Goblet of Wow!

Jackie Harvey

Jackie Harvey

Jackie Harvey graduated from Viterbo University with a degree in English literature in 1990. After honing his writing and copy-editing skills at The Sunshine Shopper, he became The Onion's entertainment columnist in 1994, replacing the outgoing Archie "Arch" Danielson. Currently, Harvey writes his regular column, "The Outside Scoop," as well as his blog, "Harveywood!"

  • Tue, Nov 29, 1:25 pm

    Some of the sharp-eyed readers may have noticed that I was off last week. Well, I had a massive Thanksgiving dinner at my mom's that I was helping out with. Mom's not getting on so well these days, and I was more than happy to step up to the plate to help out with a family celebration. I was in charge of the turkey, the stuffing and the pie. Well, I'm not much of a multitasker, so the pie was a little runny and the turkey was a little dry. Only the stuffing was good. I didn't hear the end of it from my aunt Judy the whole day. She likes her wine, and the more she drank, the more she complained. I kept a good face, but it drove me crazy.

    After dinner, I needed a breather, so I put on my coat, sat in my car for fifteen minutes to collect myself and decided to go to a movie. I drove to my local multiplex, and decided that I needed a dose of magic–both the movie kind and the wizard kind–and saw Harrry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Boy, was that good. For two and a half hours, I was back at Hogwarts, learning magic with my old friends Harry, Ron and Ginny.

    It was like a machine gun of a movie. Rat-a-tat-tat! There's a new face of evil! Rat-a-tat-tat! Uh, oh, there's a new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor! Rat-a-tat-tat! Harry has to find a date! Even though I read all the books, the movie still dished up plenty of surprises. About an hour into it, I had to use the restroom, so I missed five minutes, and it took another five minutes to get caught up again (thanks to the René, the eight-year-old I was sitting next to).

    Because it went by so fast and I missed a part, I decided to buy another ticket and watch it again. Yes, it was that good. I fell asleep the second time through after 45 minutes, and the cleaning guys had to wake me up. I was mad because I missed that part again. But you know what? I don't mind giving it an unqualified five stars, because I know that I'll buy that ticket and see it again, just to see that five minutes.

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