The Onion

Thursday, March 9, 2006

Five Percent Of U.S. Workers Are Illegal Aliens

A recent study shows that 5 percent of all workers in the U.S. are illegal immigrants. What do you think?

Old Man

Ian Connelly,
Electrician
"I yearn for the day when 100 percent of all workers are illegal immigrants and we as a nation can devote all our time to bitching about them."

Black Man

Ben Schwartz,
Bail Bondsman
"Five percent seems like a lot, but when you consider that they’re responsible for 100 percent of the work that actually gets done, the problem is much worse."

Old Woman

Heather Mitchell,
Garment Manufacturer
"Ha! You should check out the factory I own! It's gotta be like 30 percent, maybe 35 percent!"

All American Voices

Personal of the Day