The Onion

Monday, June 5, 2006

DHS Cuts New York Defense

The City of New York is up in arms after its Homeland-Security budget was slashed nearly in half. What do you think?

Young Man

Mark Jameson,
Busboy
"It's about time we shifted that money to protect cities like Omaha, where the world's largest ball of stamps sits completely unsecured."

Old Woman

Gina Baird,
Systems Analyst
"I'm sick of New Yorkers bragging about all their fancy targets. Take one look at Mackinac Island's fudge-shop row and tell me that wouldn't give a terrorist a few ideas."

Old Man

Ted Gillespie,
Admissions Agent
"The news coincides perfectly with the release of my guidebook Protecting New York On $10 A Day."

All American Voices

Personal of the Day