The Onion

Thursday, August 3, 2006

Nation Faces Record Heat

A devastating heat wave that began in the Southwest is moving through the Midwest and East, racking up record-breaking, triple-digit temperatures. What do you think?

Asian Man

Ryan Lalley,
DJ
"As a radio DJ, I couldn't be happier. 'Heat Wave,' 'Summer In the City,' 'Fire'­—they just don't make 'em like that anymore."

Old Man

Justin Henson,
Paper Maker
"I'm tired of this shameless viral marketing for An Inconvenient Truth. The movie premiered in May. Enough already!"

Old Woman

Lisa Jennings,
Radiologist
"The nice thing about a heat wave is that everybody's trying to stay cool indoors and you can go to the bathroom pretty much wherever you want outside."

Personal of the Day