The Onion

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Ohio Candidate Calls It Quits

Congressman Bob Ney, who is under investigation for his dealings with lobbyist Jack Abramoff, has abandoned his campaign for reelection. What do you think?

Old Woman

Vicki Shields,
Union Organizer
"The Bob Ney I know is a man of integrity. The Bob Ney I know is a man of honor. The Bob Ney I know is a doctor in Sarasota, Florida."

Black Man

Bob Partenheimer,
Meat Cutter
"Ney is only backing out because he wants to spend more time with his family—all of whom he bills at $700 an hour."

Young Man

Andy Bernstein,
Systems Analyst
"Can you blame him? Being a congressman isn't nearly as lucrative since this whole corruption crackdown."

All American Voices

Personal of the Day