The Onion

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Cigarettes Have More Nicotine

A recent study shows that the amount of nicotine in cigarettes rose an average of 10% between 1998 and 2004. What do you think?

Young Man

James Parnett,
Film Critic
"And they say big tobacco doesn't care about their customers."

Old Man

Denny Mathison,
Boxing Trainer
"In my day, all you ever needed for repeat business was an ad showing a dancing cigarette pack with a sexy pair of gams."

Old Woman

Judy O'Connor,
Systems Analyst
"Um, I can't really tell: Was this a pro or anti-smoking study?"

All American Voices

Personal of the Day