The Onion

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Work Up, Pay Down

Over the last decade, American work productivity has increased 33%, while wages have only increased 11%. What do you think?

Asian Man

Mike Schwartz,
Lens Grinder
"Look, I've only got five minutes for my break, and I'm not about to waste it talking to you."

Old Man

John McDougal,
CEO
"I love the notion that workers are somehow supposed to be rewarded for increased productivity. Do you see any of those CEO's being rewarded for being more productive? No. They are being rewarded for absolutely no reason."

Old Woman

Marilyn Wittner,
IT Specialist
"So if I reduce my productivity 20%, it'll be like getting an automatic raise. Which will come in handy when I'm fired for taking 3-day weekends."

All American Voices

Personal of the Day