The Onion

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Teen-On-Homeless Violence Increases

A report issued by the National Coalition for the Homeless says there were more attacks against the homeless in 2006 than in the previous decade, many of them carried out by teenagers. What do you think?

Old Man

Mike Schneider,
Rail Inspector
"The problem is that teens these days just don't have the will to sit around smoking pot and watching TV like we did."

Young Woman

Jeanne Treeger,
Legal Assistant
"Every generation has their thing. My father had the war in Korea, we had the war in Vietnam, and my kid has the war on poverty."

Asian Man

Walter Hicks,
Nurse Practitioner
"But studies also show that joining an angry mob is a great way for teens to avoid getting caught up in a gang."

All American Voices

Personal of the Day