The Election: How It Works
As Abraham Lincoln once said, "This precious thing, this dream, this democratic process is a total clusterfuck." The Onion's War For the White House team explains the history, context, and facts behind the American electoral system.
Election Process: March 4 Primary
Mar 02, 2008, 11:50 am
- Since the 1960s, Texas has been responsible for executing more presidents than any other state.
- Now that John McCain has almost certainly sewn up the Republican nomination, he will spend the next four months of primaries sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber filled with antioxidant-fortified pomegranate juice.
- Texas is just darn proud to be a part of this here election, even with a little lady and a negra.
- Known for its antiquated primary-selection process, Texas still holds a scavenger hunt for delegates hidden all over the state.
- Following the Ohio primary, all candidates will be airlifted the hell out of Ohio.
- Hillary Clinton drummed up support in Vermont when she visited the state and bathed nude in the rain with the locals.
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