via @TheOnion - Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
BUSH TOURS (SHOOTING)
Script/Idea: Mirk
This Draft: 1/14/08
INT. TODAY NOW! STUDIO
TRACY
We're now continuing our coverage
of our top story this morning:
President Bush's tour of America
yesterday to survey the damage
caused by his disastrous
presidency.
JIM
What we know so far: The
presidency hit America at around 10
A.M. Eastern Standard time on
January 20, 2001.
As he says "2001" we see this:
B-ROLL/GRAPHICS: A weather man waving arm in front of a map
of the US that shows a red hurricane-style swirl emanating
from Washington DC and growing to cover the country.
JIM (CONT'D)
So far it's caused over nine
trillion dollars in debt, left
thousands dead, and still it
continues to rage on. People are
still in a state of shock, trying
to assess the full extent of the
destruction.
FOOTAGE: Bush being sworn in on Inauguration Day.
JIM (CONT'D)
We're seeing some footage of
survivors here. They look
completely devastated by what
they've gone through. The sheer
destructive force of this
administration caught people
completely off guard.
FOOTAGE: Soundless clips of disaster victims weeping,
huddling together, screaming, speaking to the camera and
looking freaked out.
In all this footage we don't see any evidence of the disaster
they've survived, just the people themselves. These clips
play throughout.
TRACY
Onion News Network White House
correspondent David Klasko joins us
now live. He's been following the
President on his tour through the
disaster area. Hi Dave.
SPLIT-SCREEN: With Klasko, in Washington. He's somber.
KLASKO
Good morning.
TRACY
The President has been meeting with
victims and taking stock of the
situation over the past 48 hours.
How has that looked?
GRAPHICS: A map of the US titled "Areas Affected By The
Presidency." Red=highly affected. The entire map is red.
KLASKO
Tracy, President Bush has been
showing real leadership out here.
Yesterday, he started the day with
a fly-over tour of Kansas, one of
the fifty states in the direct path
of his presidency.
FOOTAGE: Bush in a plane peering out the window at the ground
below (should look like normal ground, not disaster area).
KLASKO (CONT'D)
That evening, he stopped in Denver
to deliver a very moving speech
offering encouragement to the
approximately 300 million whose
lives have been overturned.
JIM
We have a clip of that here. Let's
take a listen.
FOOTAGE: Bush giving a speech. He says something like...
BUSH
Right now the days seem awfully
dark for those affected, I
understand that. But America is
resilient.
JIM
Such uplifting words.
TRACY
You really have to admire strength
he's showing. He's displayed real
leadership in the face of the
adversity he's created.
KLASKO
That is a major point of this tour
for the President, to be an image
of strength and hope for people
here who have found their lives
turned completely inside out by
this disaster.
FOOTAGE: Bush talks to a normal woman.
FOOTAGE: Bush talks to a normal man.
KLASKO (CONT'D)
All along the way he has been
meeting one-on-one with people
whose lives have been ripped apart
by him, telling them not to lose
hope, not to lose heart, promising
that he will be out of office soon
and the nation's recovery will be
swift.
FOOTAGE: Bush praying in a group.
KLASKO (CONT'D)
At one point, Bush joined a prayer
circle, asking God to show mercy on
the victims of his horrible
policies. The president said that
he's been praying every night that
he doesn't do any more damage than
he's already done.
JIM
Have there been any relief efforts
so far?
KLASKO
From what we understand, some US
citizens were able to evacuate to
Canada and take refuge there before
the worst of the presidency hit.
There's also been a huge outpouring
of sympathy from overseas for those
millions of Americans who weren't
able to get out of Bush's path in
time.
FOOTAGE: News clippings of foreign leaders offering sympathy.
ALTERNATE:
KLASKO (CONT'D)
But there are still millions of
people suffering without homes,
without money, unable to get the
medical attention they need...
TRACY
It's just unbelievable.
KLASKO
Right now the White House is
focused primarily on doing
everything in its power to make
sure no new people enter the
disaster area.
FOOTAGE: Patrols of the Mexican border.
FOOTAGE: Obviously non-American people being denied entry at
an airport.
TRACY
Of course, a good idea considering
the presidency has not yet
subsided.
JIM
We have some footage of victims of
the disaster.
FOOTAGE: Disaster victims say things like...
VICTIM 1
It's all gone! Everything's
destroyed.
VICTIM 2
It all happened so quickly. How
could this have happened?
FOOTAGE: People hoarding food, boarding up their houses.
KLASKO
You see here people hoarding food,
boarding up their houses. Some say
they don't plan to come out until
this presidency has passed.
JIM
You can hear the shock, the fear in
the voices there. People no doubt
having a hard time believing they
were even able to survive the
horror they've been through, now
looking at the shattered ruins of
their lives and wondering how it
will be possible to move on after
this absolutely terrible
administration.
TRACY
Dave, what has the President's
emotional response been to all
this?
KLASKO
It's touched him deeply, no doubt,
Jim. You can see just by the look
on his face, Tracy. He truly loved
America, and to see it all but
destroyed by him - I think it's
very hard on him.
FOOTAGE: The president looking sad, worn out.
JIM
We can all be glad at a time like
this to have a President who is
showing such strong leadership for
these people who have lost so much
to his poor leadership.
TRACY
I have to say, this really might be
his finest moment as President.
JIM
I think history is going to agree
with you, Tracy. Well, thank you
for your report, David. And to all
the suffering Americans out there,
our prayers are with you.
TRACY
Now stay with us, when we come back
we have the incredible true story
of a woman who held on to hope
throughout the Presidency by not
paying attention to the news.
END.
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