The Election: How It Works
As Abraham Lincoln once said, "This precious thing, this dream, this democratic process is a total clusterfuck." The Onion's War For the White House team explains the history, context, and facts behind the American electoral system.
Democratic Convention Safety Measures
Aug 25, 2008, 12:00 pm
The Democratic convention has been deemed a "national special security event." Denver will receive $50 million in federal funds to cover security expenditures. How does the city plan to spend it?
- Heightened secrecy surrounding the exact times and locations of confetti drops.
- Hillary given $11 and told to go see any movie she wants.
- Undercover cops pose as regular citizens and casually ask bystanders, "So, you wouldn't happen to be planning Obama's assassination would you?"
- Prohibition against large crowds gathered inside arenas.
- Super-duper racial profiling.
- Denver Broncos only allowed to practice running plays while Barack Obama gives his acceptance speech at Invesco Field at Mile High.
- Training of specialized, dissent-sniffing police dogs.
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