The Election: How It Works

As Abraham Lincoln once said, "This precious thing, this dream, this democratic process is a total clusterfuck." The Onion's War For the White House team explains the history, context, and facts behind the American electoral system.

Minneapolis: Recommended Sights And Activities

Aug 29, 2008, 2:45 pm

With thousands expected to descend on Minneapolis-St. Paul, The Onion has selected several local attractions and activities for visiting delegates and press.

Walker Art Center: Highly regarded as the upper Midwest's finest parking venue.
Bandana Square: A shopping center that features the beautiful Twin City Model.
Railroad Club Museum, currently the single most popular spot in America to wish for death.
Engraved with the saying, "He's gonna make it after all," this statue of John McCain on Seventh Street depicts the smiling Vietnam veteran struggling in his attempt to toss his cap in the air.
Minnesota Central Library: Filled with a million books worthy of banning, censoring, and burning.
There's probably a historic carousel or something?
Why not take a day trip from Minneapolis to St. Paul, or vice versa?
Xcel Energy Center: Discover what the fuck the NLL is by snooping around the Minnesota Swarm's locker room.
The Twin Cities region boasts the brownest stretch of the Mississippi River.
The Whittier neighborhood of Minneapolis is home to the site of the house where Linus Van Pelt of the beloved "Peanuts" comic strip died of congenital heart failure in 1997.