DNC Coverage: Post Mortem

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The Onion's editorial cartoonist, Kelly, used his 35 years of experience to offer an inside look at the most important events of the political party conventions. Read Kelly's dispatches from the beginning, or return to the main blog.

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Kelly

DNC Coverage: Post Mortem

POSTED BY: Kelly, Onion Editorial Cartoonist

Aug 29, 2008, 7:40 pm

DAMN IT!

This is a message to my editors: DO YOUR JOB!

I NEVER wrote that I would be fine with JESSE JACKSON AS PRESIDENT!

What, are you letting some dimwitted intern run the show over there these days? Or was it the fault of "Internet Hackers"?? (A likely story) I DEMAND A CORRECTION! AND AN APOLOGY!

I feel like Hell. Just woke up with a splitting headache and realized I missed my morning plane to St. Paul. I think someone must've slipped a mickey in my CNN Beer last night. I've already had a few trips to the bathroom bowl and I wouldn't be surprised if there are more to come. Damn that CNN Beer! In all my years in the press, this is the worst Political Convention I've ever been to. November spells doom for the Democrats—that's not a prediction, that's a promise!

Editors, get someone on it to arrange a new flight for me and GET ME OUT OF THIS CRAP-HOLE OF A CITY!

America should sell Denver to the CHINESE!

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