War For The White House Blog
About This Blogger
The Onion's editorial cartoonist, Kelly, used his 35 years of experience to offer an inside look at the most important events of the political party conventions. Read Kelly's dispatches from the beginning, or return to the main blog.
Subscribe to the election blog or all election coverage
POSTED BY: Kelly, Onion Editorial Cartoonist
Sep 05, 2008, 3:25 pm
Was hit with "Pepper Spray" by Police! Burned my eyes out! Can't wait to leave this sewer of a town, the town of Republicans! Editors, if you are out there reading this, please change my flight—I need emergency evacuation! Have been pouring water on my face for hours. It burns!
Was nearly through the crowd and at the door to the McDonalds when I was suddenly showered with burning chemical agent. No one was there for me … I was abandoned by my Country, after all I had done for it in the name of Freedom.
I now know what it feels like for our wounded veterans to come home and be ignored and neglected. I didn't even make it past the golden arches for a 99 cents meal. All that value… lost.
How I wish there was a helicopter that could swoop down and airlift me off the roof of this Flea Bag Motel just like those lucky ones in Saigon in '75. I can't get out – CAN'T GET OUT!
Editors, LISTEN TO ME! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Send comments to politics@theonion.com.
Recent Posts
-
Oi! The Americans 'ave Picked A President! Nov 07, 2008
Well bless my 'eart and call me Cromwell! The yank election 'as come to an end at last. Isn't it wonderful? A new...
-
The Cauldron Of History Nov 05, 2008
It has been brought to my attention that another flag-bedecked, bunting-encrusted electoral pantechnicon has been...
-
All The Electric Premonition That Rides The Sky Being A Drama Of Human Devising Nov 05, 2008
In the morning, Electorate, he passes people trooping away from home with their newspapers, bearers of a weight that...
-
A Message From FBI Agent Lucas Emerson Nov 05, 2008
To Whom It May Concern:
This political blog, normally authored by one
-
Here's How You Win An Election, Mr. McCain Nov 03, 2008
Oh no! It looks like John McCain's in a lot...
