The Election: How It Works
As Abraham Lincoln once said, "This precious thing, this dream, this democratic process is a total clusterfuck." The Onion's War For the White House team explains the history, context, and facts behind the American electoral system.
Nov 04, 2008, 9:38 am
- 7:10am Christopher Nathans, 18, cast an informed vote for president and half-a-dozen ignorant votes for mayor, governor, county sheriff, and some ballot initiative about term limits or banks or something
- 8:53am Steven Spring of Charlotte, NC voted for Obama due to the fact he could never support a candidate whose last name rhymes with "Hussein"
- 10:30am Mary Lynn Hauser of Poughkeepsie, NY quickly voted for John McCain and then ran her ballot to the ballot box before she had a chance to change her mind
- 12:17pm Simon Phillon of Short Hills, NJ broke a decades-old promise never to return to "that hellhole Hartshorn Elementary" when he voted today
- 12:57pm In order to extend her lunch break an extra half hour, Maria Gomez of San Bernardino, CA pretended to feel conflicted for a while before ultimately pulling the lever for Barack Obama
- 2:27pm Tom Goodman of Gresham, OR voted for John McCain, but only to spite his friends and family
- 4:13pm Undecided voter Allison Blackmore has been in that damn booth since 8 a.m.
Follow The Onion's updates on Twitter or on your mobile phone by texting 'follow theonion' to 40404.
Send comments to politics@theonion.com.
Recent Posts
-
Understanding The Election Map Nov 05, 2008
A state-by-state breakdown of how the nation cast its ballots this Election Day
-
Non-Voter Activity Nov 04, 2008
Here's a look at how Americans who abstained from the democratic process spent their Election...
-
Voter Supression Report Nov 04, 2008
8:01am Rufus Watkins of Mobile, Alabama was turned away from the polls after failing to recall the...
-
Republican Convention Official Partners Sep 03, 2008
The following is a selection of official sponsors and vendors to the Republican National Convention:
-
Memorable Moments From Past Republican Conventions: Sep 02, 2008
