The Election: How It Works
As Abraham Lincoln once said, "This precious thing, this dream, this democratic process is a total clusterfuck." The Onion's War For the White House team explains the history, context, and facts behind the American electoral system.
Nov 04, 2008, 11:48 am
- 8:01am Rufus Watkins of Mobile, Alabama was turned away from the polls after failing to recall the middle names of all 43 U.S. presidents
- 10:17am Dr. Monopoly Pumpernickel of Boise, ID was not allowed to vote after it was revealed that he was nothing more than three small children in a large overcoat
- 11:54am Tired of all these fancy suppression tricks, Republican poll worker Bob Lukin took a box of Obama ballots out back and set them on fire
- 1:45am Jim Sadberry, 36, was barred from the polling station in the Dutchess County Elementary School gymnasium after loudly attempting to get a game of pickup basketball going
- 3:20am Helen Meyer's vote was suppressed Tuesday when her husband gave her a stern look moments before she entered the voting booth
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