The Election: How It Works
As Abraham Lincoln once said, "This precious thing, this dream, this democratic process is a total clusterfuck." The Onion's War For the White House team explains the history, context, and facts behind the American electoral system.
Nov 04, 2008, 1:54 pm
Here's a look at how Americans who abstained from the democratic process spent their Election Day.
 Cecilly Savapolous of Detroit, MI pulls a lever all damn day for work, and isn't gonna take time off just to do it at the community center. |
 Tom Hauser of Bend, OR compensated for not participating in the election by catching the last half of Primary Colors on TNT. |
 Harrison Lladre wishes they had told him that an illegal immigrant with a long criminal record isn't allowed to vote before he waited in that long ass line. |
 Sheila Henderson decided it wasn't worth bothering with the nation's future after some goddamn kids ripped off her car antenna. |
 Obama campaign worker Alex Nathans spent 52 minutes in a McDonald's bathroom to cover up for the fact that he never registered to vote. |
 Pvt. Travis Boyer of Tulsa, OK was too busy decomposing on the floor of an abandoned Iraqi safe-house to vote on Tuesday. |
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