• 1 Age Progression

    Age-Progression Technology Indicates Missing Child A Prostitute By Now (2:49)

  • 2 McCain

    McCain Vows To Replace Secret Service With His Own Bare Fists (1:31)

  • 3 Helium

    Astronauts Suffer Agonizing, High-Pitched Death After Helium Leak (2:13)

  • 4 NHL NFL

    NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team (1:42)

  • 5 Home Depot

    Home Depot Honors Fallen Soldiers With Great Prices On Tools (2:43)

  • 6 Roommate Study

    Study: Nearly 80 Percent Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night (1:09)

  • 7 Catchphrase

    Congress Debates Merits Of New Catchphrase (2:39)

  • 8 Popular Trailer

    Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film (2:34)

  • 9 Suspicious Package

    Suspicious Package Industry Falls On Hard Times (1:30)

  • 10 Missing Hikers

    Plight Of Missing Hikers Will Make Great Movie (2:05)

  • 11 Pot Pies

    Hungry FDA Official Orders Massive Pot Pie Recall (2:11)

  • 12 Conspiracy Theory

    9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says (2:46)

  • 13 Anchor Bio

    Today Now! Host Tracy Gill Recommends New Tracy Gill Biography (2:16)

  • 14 Chinese Pollution

    China Celebrates Its Status As World’s Number One Air Polluter (2:03)

  • 15 Press Secretary

    White House Press Secretary Spins Wife’s Tragic Death As A Positive (2:19)

  • 16 Daughter to War

    Army Holds Annual 'Bring Your Daughter To War' Day (1:13)

  • 17 Chips and Salsa

    Delicious Snacks Distract Congressmen From Horrors Of War (2:38)

  • 18 200 Kidneys

    Anonymous Philanthropist Donates 200 Human Kidneys To Hospital (1:11)

  • 19 Alyson Hannigan

    FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It’s Alyson Hannigan (2:53)

  • 20 Diebold

    In The Know: How Can We Make The War In Iraq More Eco-Friendly? (2:07)

  • 21 Diebold

    Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early (2:43)

  • 22 Nolte

    New Auto Security System Will Not Allow Car To Start If Driver Is Nick Nolte (1:14)

  • 23 Andorra

    Nation Of Andorra Not In Africa, Shocked U.S. State Dept. Reports (2:03)

  • 24 Anteater

    Expert On Anteaters Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters (2:54)

  • 25 Online Dating

    Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently (1:45)

  • 26 Suicide Belts

    In The Know: New Iraqi Law Requires Waiting Period For Suicide Vest Purchases (2:15)

  • 27 Nguyen Thi Buch Thuy

    Ngyuen Thi Buch Thuy: 'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball' (2:05)

  • 28 Clean up

    Live From Congress: Representative Wants To Rid Congress Of Gang Members (1:57)

  • 29 Mysterious Traveler

    Mysterious Traveler Entrances Town With Utopian Vision Of The Future (1:41)

  • 30 Circles

    Breaking News: Series Of Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot (2:26)

  • 31 Fat Vote

    As Obese Population Rises, More Candidates Courting The Fat Vote (1:18)

  • 32 Today Now: Make a Wish

    Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation With Wish For Unlimited Wishes (2:23)

  • 33 Mitt Romney Defends Himself Against Allegations Of Tolerance

    Mitt Romney Defends Himself Against Allegations Of Tolerance (2:17)

  • 34 Robot

    In The Know: Are We Giving The Robots That Run Our Society Too Much Power? (2:09)

  • 35 Child Soldiers

    Report: American Schools Trail Behind World In Aptitude Of Child Soldiers (2:16)

  • 36 BULLSHIT

    Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters (2:21)

  • 37 Sec of state

    Condoleezza Rice To Voyage East (0:44)

  • 38 WRESTLING FANS

    Controversial Tell-All Book Reveals Wrestling Fans Are Fake (2:17)

  • 39 NASCAR

    NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: 'Drive Fast' (2:41)

  • 40 QUEEN WAVING

    Queen Elizabeth II Will Leave Behind Long Legacy Of Waving (2:16)

  • 41 DON CHEADLE

    International Scandal: Don Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide To Create Film Role (2:09)

  • 42 MFT XMAS

    Our Troops Send Holiday Wishes For Peace, Goodwill, And Body Armor (1:39)

  • 43 POOR CHRISTMAS

    Report: Nation’s Wealthy Cruelly Deprived Of True Meaning Of Christmas (1:49)

  • 44 ANIMAL RIGHTS

    Should Animals Be Doing More For The Animal Rights Movement? (1:55)

  • 45 WOMEN IN TV

    Evangeline Lilly Wins 'Best Wet T-Shirt Fight Scene' At Strong Women In TV Awards (2:24)

  • 46 Reporters Expose Security Lapses By Smuggling Bomb On Plane, Blowing It Up

    Reporters Expose Airport Security Lapses By Blowing Up Plane (2:38)

  • 47 BARFIGHT

    Mitt Romney Is Candidate Most Voters Want To Get Into Bar Fight With (2:26)

  • 48 FAT KID

    Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On (2:27)

  • 49 PAY RAISE

    Rep. Gary Nelson (R-CT) Introduces The Gary Nelson Personal Pay Raise Bill (2:39)

  • 50 THANKSGIVING TRAVEL

    Americans Enjoying Thanksgiving Tradition Of Sitting Around At Airport (1:10)

  • 51 darfur

    How Can We Raise Awareness In Darfur Of How Much We're Doing For Them? (2:33)

  • 52 DEAD MANS HEART

    Medical Miracle: Man Lives Thanks To Heart Stolen From Dead Man (3:06)

  • 53 MFT NO HOLIDAY

    Messages From Our Troops To The Families They Can Barely Remember (1:13)

  • 54 Flying Cars

    Mean Automakers Dash Nation's Hope For Flying Cars (2:14)

  • 55 NON GAY AFRICANS

    Christian Charity Raising Money To Feed Non-Gay Famine Victims (1:45)

  • 56 NINJA PARADE

    Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again (1:36)

  • 57 SCHOOL COMPUTERS

    Live From Congress: Representative Wants To See, Meet More Kids Online (2:08)

  • 58 FOLSOM DAM

    Preemptive Memorial Honors Future Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster (2:32)

  • 59 SCHIZOS

    In The Know: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough? (2:19)

  • 60 CLASSIFIED

    Proposed (Classified) Bill Will Defend Against Flesh-Eating (Classified) (1:46)

  • 61 RACIST PORN

    Use Of 'N-Word' May End Porn Star's Career (2:39)

  • 62 VIEWER VOICES

    Viewer Voices: Where We Respond To The Opinions Of Our Uninformed Viewers (1:53)

  • 63 Bomb New York

    Country Music Stars Challenge Al-Qaeda With Patriotic New Song ‘Bomb New York’ (2:40)

  • 64 NIGERIA

    In The Know: Situation In Nigeria Seems Pretty Complex (2:41)

  • 65 LL BEAN

    African-American Boycott of L.L. Bean Enters 80th Year (2:07)

  • 66 IRAF

    In The Know: White House Announces 'Everything Is Great In Iraf' (1:40)

  • 67 Domestic Abuse

    Domestic Abuse No Longer A Problem, Say Bruised Female Researchers (1:08)

  • 68 GOOD OLD DAYS

    In The Know: Should Americans Return To A Simpler, Stone Age Lifestyle? (1:29)

  • 69 MILITARY TRAINING

    'Students First In Line' Program To Offer Job Training At Needy Schools (1:37)

  • 70 SUPER RICH

    In The Know: Are America's Rich Falling Behind The Super-Rich? (2:42)

  • 71 MISSING GIRL

    Missing Girl Probably Raped (2:33)

  • 72 LAF KEYTIME

    National Lost And Found: Did You Lose A Flag Of The Marshall Islands? (2:04)

  • 73 Beyonce

    Beyonce Unhurt After Stray Bullet Miraculously Hits Passerby Instead (1:27)

  • 74 U.S. Rep. Benjamin Sinclair

    Live From Congress: The Skull Fucking Bill Of 2007 (2:40)

  • 75 OLDEST SURGEON NEW

    World's Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100 (2:10)

  • 76 IDGITS

    In The Know: Candidates Compete For Vital Idgit Vote (2:25)

  • 77 Gays Protest

    'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat,' Says General (1:51)

  • 78 OBESITY

    In The Know: Should We Be Shaming Obese Children More? (2:06)

  • 79 HUMAN HEAD

    Human Head Found In Hamburger (1:07)

  • 80 LADIES NIGHT OUT

    Live From Congress: Rep. Hardy Calls For A Ladies' Night Out (1:22)

  • 81 AFRICA STILL

    In The Know: Is Our Wealth Hurting Africa’s Feelings? (1:59)

  • 82 Time Releases Annual List Of Least Influential Americans

    Time Releases Annual List Of Least Influential Americans (2:36)

  • 83 WHALES STILL

    In The Know: Are Our Children Learning Enough About Whales? (2:17)

  • 84 STAB WOUNDS

    Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys (1:08)

  • 85 LAF BOOK

    U.S. Department Of Lost And Found: We Found Your Flip Flop (1:37)

  • 86 Internet Crash

    Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash (3:01)

  • 87 HOBO MURDER

    Live From Congress: Rep. Ingersoll's Murder of a Hobo (1:50)

  • 88 Outsourcing

    Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas (2:05)

  • 89 Lost and Found

    U.S. Department of Lost and Found: Umbrellas and Sweaters (2:07)

  • 90 TRAFFIC

    Tired Of Traffic? A New DOT Report Urges Drivers: 'Honk' (1:21)

  • 91 KIM JONG

    In The Know: Kim Jong-Il's Approval Rating Plummets to 120% (1:45)

  • 92 LIECHTENSTEIN

    Liechtenstein Successfully Tests Teeny Tiny Nuclear Bomb (0:56)

  • 93 Most Alzheimer’s Patients Misdiagnosed, Say Alzheimer’s Patients

    Study: Alzheimer’s Patients Say They Do Not Have Alzheimer’s (1:00)

  • 94 WAYANS STILL

    In The Know: America Braces For New Wayans Brothers Movie (1:18)

  • 95 J.K. Rowling Hints At Harry Potter Date Rape

    J.K. Rowling Hints At Harry Potter Date Rape (1:54)

  • 96 GROUND ZERO

    Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays (2:01)

  • 97 GHOSTS

    In The Know: War On Terror (1:18)

  • 98 FETAL CONSENT

    New Abortion Bill To Require Fetal Consent (1:30)

  • 99 In The Know: Teenagers and Alcohol

    In The Know: Teenagers and Alcohol (1:47)

  • 100 PAUL NEWMAN

    Newman Honored For Efforts in Salad Dressing (0:47)

  • 101 Gap Unveils New "For Kids By Kids" Clothing Line

    Gap Unveils New 'For Kids By Kids' Clothing Line (1:30)

  • 102 SARCASTIC PRAISE

    Report: 70 Percent Of All Praise Sarcastic (1:39)

  • 103 SEGWAY

    In The Know: Do You Remember Life Before The Segway? (1:39)

  • 104 HAITI

    Breaking News: Something Happening In Haiti (2:14)

  • 105 In The Know: The U.S. Moat

    In The Know: The U.S. Moat (1:37)

  • 106 Panda

    Panda Demands Abortion (2:27)

  • 107 Friendship

    A Friend's Cancer: Good For Your Health? (1:12)

  • 108 Immigration

    Immigration: The Human Cost (2:24)

  • 109 Civil War

    In The Know: Our Troops In Iraq (1:38)

  • 110 Video

    Onion News Network Promo (0:32)

  • 111 TODAY NOW

    The Onion News Network's Morning Show: Today Now! (1:45)