The Onion News Network regrets the following errors:
• A report on Aug.26 incorrectly stated the cause of death for Virginia congressman Donald Haller as trampling by rhinoceros. He in fact experienced heart failure in his sleep.
• Fact checking has revealed that every statement made by panelist Duncan Birch during the Aug. 19 episode of In the Know was a lie. We regret the errors.
• 
-Span coverage of Congressional hearings on Aug. 20–23 incorrectly listed every congressperson to take the stand as representing District 69. Punitive action has been taken against the graphics supervisor.
• An Aug. 13 report on global warming stated, "There is no evidence that [global warming] is occurring." In fact, there are millions of pages of data and research by hundreds of thousands of scientists the world over which proves precisely the opposite.
• A report on school vouchers on Aug. 17 incorrectly stated Paul Baumguarten's occupation as "shithead." It should have read "principal."
• An Aug. 12 report on dolphins featured reporter Robert Logan nude from the waist down. He should have been wearing pants.
