This Week

I'll Be Able To Get This Big Pot Of Chili Over To My Friend's House A Lot Quicker If I Put On My Roller Skates

Rudy Lavelle

03.18.10

Done! A heaping, hearty 10-gallon pot of Rudy's Famous Five-Alarm Chili, simmered to perfection and all ready for the big party over at my friend...

I Wasn't Going To Buy This House Until I Saw The Realtor's Headshot On The Sign

Sam Cone

03.16.10

Buying a house is one of the biggest decisions a person can make, so when I set out to purchase my first home, I didn't take the matter lightly....

Editorial Cartoon »

Recent Opinions

• 

  I Didn't Spend 6 Weeks In A Medical License Reinstatement Ethics Class To Have You Call Me 'Mister'

  By Dr. Trent Berstyn
  03.11.10

• 

  Do The New Tablets Own Up To The Hype?

  By Beepo the Dolphin
  03.09.10

• 

  I've Got The Fever For The Flavor Of The Oscars!

  By
  03.04.10

• 

  My Constituents Care Way More About Political Gamesmanship Than Jobs, Health Care, And The Economy

  By House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH)
  03.02.10

Corrections

In yesterday's financial reform article on page 4B, we accidentally used too much ink in the accompanying photo of Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN). The Onion regrets the horrifying ghostly mirror image that was impressed upon the opposite page.

Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion,

I missed the first 30 years of Garfield. Would you mind summarizing? Thanks.

Sarah Weatherly, Lincoln, NE