This Week

This Would Be The Best Mental Hospital Ever If Elliott Gould Weren't Hiding In The Toilet

Gregg Clayton

11.19.09

I've been a patient at the Sunhaven Mental Health Center for about six months now, and I honestly can't say enough about what a fantastic...

Who Swoons Over 'New Moon'?

11.17.09

Item! Guess which vampire franchise is…hold on. I'm going to let you finish, but first let me say that Jackie...

Editorial Cartoon »

Recent Opinions

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  I'm So Blessed To Be Surrounded By People I Can Extort Money From

  By Franklin Knoepke
  11.12.09

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  Excuse Me, But I'll Be Handling The Gentleman's Discourse For The Rest Of The Evening

  By A 750-Milliliter Bottle of Whiskey
  11.10.09

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  Ask The Online Reviews Of A New Tex-Mex Restaurant

  By The Online Reviews Of A New Tex-Mex Restaurant
  11.05.09

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  If I'm So Crazy, Then Why Do People Keep Having Sex With Me?

  By Gina Meyers
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Corrections

Yesterday we incorrectly printed the date Thursday, Nov. 12, instead of Friday, Nov. 13. The Onion apologizes to those who thought they were getting a second chance.

Letters To The Editor

Dear The Onion,

The Yankees won the World Series. So what? Go fuck yourself.

Todd Baines, Philadelphia, PA