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This Week
  • Larry Groznic

    I'm Not Questing With You Until You Admit You Screwed Up The Zul'Aman Raid

    07.09.09

    I have had enough, Paul. It is no longer worth the gold it costs to fly to the Ghostlands if my soldiers are going to fail me halfway through and...

  • Bradley Parnett

    I Guess I'm Sort Of Like The 'Dad' Of This Family

    Bradley Parnett

    07.07.09

    Man, do I get a kick out of these kids. Take Scott, for instance. He's got one hell of a throwing arm. Burns 'em right into the glove. Diana's...

    • Corrections

    In last week's paper, The Onion accidentally omitted the final line of Gabe Blanchard's second-place entry in the 2009 Eighth-Grade Essay Contest. It should have read, "And with the smell of sulfur still hanging heavy in the air, we will toast the end of the Zionist conspiracy." The Onion regrets the error.

    Letters To The Editor

    Dear The Onion,

    I own CARLO'S PIZZERIA on the corner of HURON AND CONCORD AVE. Unfortunately, advertising in your paper is too expensive for a small-business owner like me. So there's no way for me to let people know that CARLO'S PIZZERIA, which is OPEN LATE, is offering FREE BREADSTICKS WITH ANY LARGE TWO-TOPPING PIZZA.

    Carlo Paladino, Worcester, MA, 135-8275

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