Evolution Going Great, Reports Trilobite
Slowly inching his segmented exoskeleton across the floor of the primordial waters, a local marine arthropod, class Trilobita, reported that Earth's natural evolution was "progressing quite nicely." more»
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Woman Domesticated
Once burdened with physically demanding chores, exhausting farm work, and other unpleasant duties, man's quality of life dramatically improved after his successful domestication of the common...
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Duane Takes Off Owing Roommates 1,300 Bucks
In what scholars generally consider to be one of the biggest dick moves in recorded history, 28-year-old convenience store cashier Duane Hoyt hastily departed Olympia, WA in the summer of 1987...
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Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World
Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and...
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Dinosaurs Sadly Extinct Before Invention Of Bazooka
More than 65 million years ago, a cataclysmic event drove a majority of the Earth's species into extinction, and tragically, wiped out the last of the dinosaurs long before bazookas could be...
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Rat-Shit-Covered Physicians Baffled By Spread Of Black Plague
According to recently discovered journals, the 14th century's rat-feces-smeared men of science were at a total loss to explain how the Black Death was able to spread so quickly across...
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Industrial Revolution Provides Millions Of Out-Of-Work Children With Jobs
After centuries of chronic unemployment, millions of small children across the United Kingdom saw their lives drastically improve when the Industrial Revolution at long last provided them with...
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Fire, Setting Everything In Sight On Fire Discovered
In what was perhaps the most meaningful discovery ever made, early man exited the safety and shelter of his prehistoric cave, struck two stones together, and for the first time in history created...
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Four Or Five Guys Pretty Much Carry Whole Renaissance
Following 1,000 years of cultural decline and societal collapse known as the Dark Ages, the 15th century brought forth the Renaissance, an unprecedented resurgence in learning and the arts, which...
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American Voices »
Henry Ford Modernizes Production
"It's satisfying to know I'm helping to build an industry and a future for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren right here in Detroit."
