Bald Eagle Tired Of Everyone Just Assuming It Supports War 02.01.10

THE OREGON WILDERNESS—"I think World War II was justified, and I got behind the first Gulf War [in 1990]," said the bird, who has served as the national symbol of the United States since 1782. "But the recent war in Iraq, with its shifting rationale and poor planning, was clearly a huge mistake." more»

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Supreme Court Allows Corporations To Run For Political Office 02.03.10

WASHINGTON—In a landmark decision that overturned decades of legal precedent, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 Tuesday to remove all restrictions that had previously barred corporations from...
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White House Infested With Bedbugs After Biden Brings In Recliner Off The Curb 02.03.10

WASHINGTON—The White House suffered a severe bedbug infestation last week after Vice President Joe Biden reportedly "scored" a discarded recliner chair that "someone was just throwing out"...
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Obama To Wait For Next Bruce Springsteen Album For Word On Economy 01.11.10

WASHINGTON—Faced with the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, the White House announced Tuesday that a cautious President Obama is awaiting the release of the next Bruce...
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Nation's Nipples Severely Under-Clamped, U.S. Bureau Of Masochism Reports 01.05.10

WASHINGTON—A new study released this week by the U.S. Bureau of Masochism has concluded that American nipples are critically under-clamped, bolstering long-held suspicions that the nation is...
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Department Of Interior Employee Caught Embezzling 50,000 Wolves 01.04.10

BILLINGS, MT—In what is being called the largest wildlife embezzlement scheme in more than 40 years, Department of Interior employee Stephen Kendrick, 48, was caught Monday diverting large...
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U.S. Finally Gets Around To Prosecuting Mastermind Behind 9/11 12.08.09

WASHINGTON—The Justice Department announced Monday that it had finally found enough time in its busy schedule to squeeze in the prosecution of alleged 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed,...
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Biden Winks After Offering To Buy Eggnog For White House Christmas Party 12.07.09

WASHINGTON—During an unexpected visit Thursday to an organizational meeting for this year's White House Christmas party, Vice President Joe Biden winked mischievously as he offered to...
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Senator Chuck Grassley Hurting GOP's Chances With Women At Bars 12.03.09

WASHINGTON—According to Beltway sources, the recent actions of Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-IA) have severely, and perhaps irrevocably, damaged the ability of his fellow Republican congressmen to...
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