'Lancet' Retracts Autism Paper
"That's obvious. Vaccines don't cause autism. Not telling your kids to smarten up and get their heads out of their asses does."
NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—NASA officials announced today the successful launch of the new shuttle Moonage Daydream, marking the beginning of a long-anticipated two-week conceptual mission inspired by British rock star David Bowie. more»
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Alzheimer's Disease Causing Baby Boomers To Misremember 1960s Even More
PALO ALTO, CA—Alzheimer's researchers at Stanford University published a study this week showing that the degenerative brain disease is beginning to affect the baby boomer generation,...
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Frantic Steve Jobs Stays Up All Night Designing Apple Tablet
CUPERTINO, CA—Claiming that he completely forgot about the much-hyped electronic device until the last minute, a frantic Steve Jobs reportedly stayed up all night Tuesday in a desperate...
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Science Channel Refuses To Dumb Down Science Any Further
SILVER SPRING, MD—Frustrated by continued demands from viewers for more awesome and extreme programming, Science Channel president Clark Bunting told reporters Tuesday that his cable network...
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'How Bad For The Environment Can Throwing Away One Plastic Bottle Be?' 30 Million People Wonder
WASHINGTON—Wishing to dispose of the empty plastic container, and failing to spot a recycling bin nearby, an estimated 30 million Americans asked themselves Monday how bad throwing away a...
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World's Physicists Complete Study Of Physics
HARIMA, JAPAN—Saying that there was no more knowledge to acquire about the physical nature of the universe, the International Union of Pure and Applied Physics announced Monday that it had...
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New Grown-Up Monitor Allows Children To Listen In On Parents Crying
EAST AURORA, NY—Fisher-Price announced the release of a new grown-up monitor Monday that will allow children to remotely keep tabs on their crying parents at a range of up to 400 feet....
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Evolution Going Great, Reports Trilobite
Slowly inching his segmented exoskeleton across the sea floor, a local marine arthropod, class Trilobita, reported that Earth's natural evolution was "progressing quite...
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Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World
Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and...
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