Report: 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Glowing Rectangles 06.15.09

PALO ALTO, CA—The report found that at work, special information rectangles aid in completing business-related tasks, while entertainment rectangles—larger, louder, and often placed inside the home—help us enter a relaxing trance-like state after a long day of rectangle-gazing. more»

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Twitter Creator On Iran: 'I Never Intended For Twitter To Be Useful' 06.24.09

SAN FRANCISCO—Creator Jack Dorsey was shocked and saddened this week after learning that his social networking device, Twitter, was being... …more »
Underfunded Scientists Force Lipstick-Covered Rat With Cancer To Run Through Maze 06.12.09

SONOMA, CA—The lab's shoestring budget, which forces scientists to conduct experiments in the facility's kitchenette, has inspired serendipitous discoveries. …more »
Bee Stuck Between Screen Door, Front Door Going Fucking Nuts 06.11.09

HUNTSVILE, AL—Users of the front door at 1418 Sycamore Avenue report the appearance of a common bumblebee ricocheting back and forth between... …more »
Archaeologists Discover World's First Guy Named Marty 06.01.09

SZEGED, HUNGARY—University of Toronto archaeologists excavating a prehistoric settlement near the Serbian border announced Tuesday that they... …more »
Report: Increasing Number Of Educators Found To Be Suffering From Teaching Disabilities 05.25.09

WASHINGTON—"Rather than punishing our teachers or kicking them out, we give them a gold star every time they do something right," said Principal Donald Zicree. …more »
New Netpix Service Sends Unlimited Photographs For Monthly Fee 05.22.09

LOS GATOS, CA—Netpix offers the largest photographic catalog in the U.S., including pictures of sunsets, grisly crime scenes, and snapshots of Carol and her dog. …more »
New Prescription Fish Tank Eliminates Need For Glasses While Looking At Fish 05.19.09

SAGINAW, MI—Executives at Poseidon Aquatic Enclosures announced Monday the launch of a new line of made-to-order fish tanks that can be... …more »
Report: Majority Of Pay Phone Conversations Begin, End In Tears 05.12.09

WASHINGTON—A new study by the Federal Communications Commission has determined that as many as 81 percent of all calls made over pay phones... …more »