Commentary

I Realize I Haven't Been The World's Best Star Of 'Criminal Minds' Lately

issue 4521 | 05.19.09 | Commentary

There comes a time in every man's life when he needs to stand up and face the music. A time when he must walk right up to that mirror and ask... more»

There's Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself, And Also Me, The Ghost Of Franklin Delano Roosevelt

issue 4520 | 05.12.09 | Commentary

My fellow Americans, it is time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. We must not shrink from honestly facing the harsh... more»

Hey, Dave, Do You Know A Jack Spencer?

issue 4519 | 05.07.09 | Commentary

So, Dave, I'm thinking Natilli's on Crawford Avenue for lunch today. You know the place with the green awning that just opened up near... more»

Kids, Your Mother And I Are Getting Divorced When You Least Expect It

issue 4519 | 05.05.09 | Commentary

We need to talk. First of all, please understand that your mother and I love you very much, so this is hard to say. The thing... more»

If You Ever Need Somebody To Stand Around And Not Contribute, You Know Where To Find Me

issue 4518 | 04.30.09 | Commentary

Look, we've been friends a long time, and this probably goes without saying, but I'm gonna say it anyway. I want you to know that anytime... more»

What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With All These Constitutional Rights?

issue 4518 | 04.28.09 | Commentary

Too much of one thing can cause a person a lot of stress, and you know what's stressing me out? All these rights guaranteed to me by the... more»

Well, There Goes Our Dream Vacation To Somalia

issue 4517 | 04.23.09 | Commentary

When you think about the best places in the world to take your family on a relaxing, two-week trip, the first location that comes to mind is... more»

Sir, You're Going To Have To Ask Me To Leave

issue 4517 | 04.21.09 | Commentary

Excuse me, sir. I said, excuse me, but I'm afraid you'll need to ask me to lower my voice. This is a respectable department store, and... more»

I'm Not One Of Those Insecure Generals Who Needs To Win A Lot Of Battles

issue 4516 | 04.16.09 | Commentary

Another crushing defeat at the hands of the enemy. After four long years, our righteous struggle has come to a bitter end. But fear not! Unlike... more»

Stop Anthropomorphizing Me

issue 4515 | 04.07.09 | Commentary

I know this is going to come across a bit harsh, but I want to get straight to the point. Speaking on behalf of myself and all other... more»

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

I Realize I Haven't Been The World's Best Star Of 'Criminal Minds' Lately

There's Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself, And Also Me, The Ghost Of Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Hey, Dave, Do You Know A Jack Spencer?

Kids, Your Mother And I Are Getting Divorced When You Least Expect It

If You Ever Need Somebody To Stand Around And Not Contribute, You Know Where To Find Me

What The Hell Am I Supposed To Do With All These Constitutional Rights?

Well, There Goes Our Dream Vacation To Somalia

Sir, You're Going To Have To Ask Me To Leave

I'm Not One Of Those Insecure Generals Who Needs To Win A Lot Of Battles

Stop Anthropomorphizing Me

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