Commentary

I'm Thinking About Getting A Dog To Neglect

issue 4509 | 02.24.09 | Commentary

I have a hole in my life. It's small, has four legs, a shiny coat, and maybe even one of those teeny corkscrew tails that wags when it's happy... more»

If Itzhak Perlman Is Performing On TV Right Now, Who Is Feeding My Cat?

issue 4508 | 02.18.09 | Commentary

Boy am I steamed. I finally get the chance to go on a little vacation for a couple of days, but instead of relaxing, I'm just a tightly wound... more»

The Best Part Of Being A Cop Is Knowing That You're Completely Impervious To Bullets

issue 4508 | 02.17.09 | Commentary

Every cop knows there are three reasons to join the force: You get to give back to the community, you become a role model for young people,... more»

I Wish I'd Spent Valentine's Day Eating A Prix Fixe Dinner, But I Was Too Busy Getting Beheaded

issue 4507 | 02.10.09 | Commentary

Is it Valentine's Day already? My word! How the time does fly. I might have missed the day entirely had I not caught a glimpse of all the... more»

I Don't Define Myself By My Ability To Travel Between Dimensions

issue 4505 | 01.28.09 | Commentary

I can see it in their eyes. They're thinking, "Hey, look. It's the dimension-jumping guy!" "Come on, dude who isn't bound by time or... more»

Hey Man, You Got A Second So I Can Fire You?

issue 4504 | 01.21.09 | Commentary

How are we doing today? How we doin'? Great, great. You're looking good. Love the shirt. Let me guess: Christmas present? Knew it. Great. Hey... more»