http://www.theonion.com/content/topics/Dept._Head_Rawlings/feed en-us http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/we_have_new_intelligence?utm_source=from_tag Welcome, gentlemen. Please, make yourselves comfortable. I'm afraid Mei-Ling is picking out china patterns or planning a bridal shower or some... Wed, 14 Mar 2007 02:01:00 -0400 Columnists Workplace Dept._Head_Rawlings Government Coworkers 59612_e458d6824f6596ad2352874f961935a9 http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25521?utm_source=from_tag Department Head Rawlings joined the Bureau as a field operative in 1979, transferred to the Agency in 1984, and has worked in liaison with the... Thu, 11 Aug 2005 14:24:26 -0400 Dept._Head_Rawlings 25521_8b673e1df436e1099be51475ee397ee1 http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37310?utm_source=from_tag Ah, yes, our new senior applied-science director. Come in, sir. Hello and welcome to our little corner of the operation. Tea? Turkish? Mei Ling, some tea for the honorable science director. Susan is well, I trust? Good, good. Of course, sir—right to brass tacks it is. Wed, 29 Sep 2004 16:00:00 -0400 Columnists Dept._Head_Rawlings 37310_b758bc06fcd9fc9bc67545af7e983141 http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37302?utm_source=from_tag Thank you for seeing us on such short notice, sir. Please take a seat. Coffee? Brandy? My humidor is open to you, if you wish. I apologize for taking you away from your family with so little warning, but events have overtaken us—events which, as you'll soon see, involve our entire organization. Sir, what I am about to tell you is known by only 11 people in the Western world—the seven of us in this room, the Acting Director, and the three pertinent members of the Staff Council. Though I know you to be circumspect and discreet, I'm afraid this is no ordinary intelligence briefing. The issue at hand is beyond the scope of even our long-term Global Strategy 7. If you'd like to sit down, we'll begin. Wed, 16 Jun 2004 16:00:00 -0400 Columnists Dept._Head_Rawlings Death Culture Government Spies WMD 37302_79b36fbd552bec9bb47552c461569a31 http://www.theonion.com/content/node/26070?utm_source=from_tag Good evening, gentlemen. Mei Ling. Or should I say good morning? I'm afraid the last few hours here at the Department For Special Acquisitions And Liquidations have been rather, well, active. I apologize for calling you to Operations at such a wretched hour, but if this report from the Transitional Branch in Seville is accurate, then we have some important decisions to make. We must either act quickly to eliminate a threat to this Department, or we must take steps to remove me from my position as Department Head. You see, I fear that my estranged but brilliant half-brother may have been instrumental to the execution of the horrible debacle we experienced in Barcelona. Wed, 12 Nov 2003 16:00:00 -0500 Columnists Dept._Head_Rawlings 26070_2e83e157667c404dcd08ec1ab53b9f1a http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25878?utm_source=from_tag Ah, I see we're all here. Well done, everyone. I was confident you could all get to this odd corner of Argentina by noon GMT, and you did not disappoint. Although I'm distressed that two of you were forced to risk exposure by using commercial flights. However, as you'll soon see, identity-containment is not our primary concern at this time. Wed, 18 Jun 2003 16:00:00 -0400 Columnists Dept._Head_Rawlings 25878_b370b98e6ba71f911ac45cc55080affd http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25760?utm_source=from_tag Hello, sir. I'm Rawlings, head of the Department for Special Acquisitions and Liquidations. Allow me to welcome you to the DSAL. I appreciate you coming from Zurich on such short notice. How was your flight? Yes, I know, the Concorde isn't all it's cracked up to be, but we needed you here fast. Time is of the essence. This is our car. Wed, 20 Mar 2002 13:00:00 -0500 Columnists Dept._Head_Rawlings 25760_19eb7924d5f6fee8107d61ccddc5d252