Hockey | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

Latest:

Lakers Players Claim Kobe Bryant's Groin Is Tender To The Touch
Matt Ryan Annoyed By 30-Yard Line's WiFi Reception
Player Whistled Dead
Poll: 3.1% Of NFL Coaches Would Go For It On Fourth Down On Their Own 28
ESPN Staff All Praying Bill Simmons Doesn't Ask How They Liked 'Book Of Basketball'

Hockey

Alexander Ovechkin Loses Three Teeth While Eating Breakfast

issue 4512 | 03.19.09 | Photo Finish
Martin Brodeur

issue 4510 | 03.05.09 | Strongside/Weakside

Brodeur recently recorded his 100th shutout and will soon break the NHL's all-time wins record for goalies. Is he any good? more»
Wayne Gretzky

issue 4509 | 02.26.09 | Strongside/Weakside

We look back at The Great One, the NHL's all-time point leader and perhaps its greatest player ever. Was he any good? more»
Sidney Crosby Takes Advantage Of Player's Discount At Penguins Store

issue 4509 | 02.26.09 | Sports NIB

PITTSBURGH—By using his 15 percent employee discount, Penguins center and team captain Sidney Crosby has reportedly saved hundreds of... more»
NHL Player Tunnels Out Of Penalty Box

issue 4448 | 11.27.08 | Photo Finish
Hockey Hall Of Fame Ceremony Held At Steve's Place

issue 4446 | 11.13.08 | Sports NIB

TORONTO—Despite early concerns about the venue's small size, center Igor Larionov and winger Glenn Anderson were inducted into the... more»
Flyers Defenseman Ceremonially Checks Sarah Palin Into Boards

issue 4442 | 10.16.08 | Photo Finish
Chris Osgood Gets To Third Base With Stanley Cup

issue 4424 | 06.12.08 | Sports News

LOS ANGELES—Sources within the Red Wings organization confirm that goalie Chris Osgood, who is currently engaged in accompanying the Stanley... more»
Evil Red Wings Owner Wario Lemieux Steals Stanley Cup

issue 4423 | 06.05.08 | Photo Finish
Hockey Ticket Sales Tapering Off Slightly

issue 4423 | 06.05.08 | Sports NIB

NEW YORK—Sales figures from the NHL's headquarters indicate that hockey ticket sales are down almost 8 percent since the beginning of the... more»

From The Sports Vault »

Football

Eagles Settle For Field Goal After 260-Yard Drive

11.19.09 | ISSUE 4552
Norman Esiason Finally Outgrows Childish Nickname

11.19.09 | ISSUE 4552
Patriots Lead Colts At Halftime

11.19.09 | ISSUE 4547
Saints Completely Satisfied With 8-0 Start

11.13.09 | ISSUE 4546
JaMarcus Russell

11.12.09 | ISSUE 4546
2009 Midseason NFL Highlights

11.12.09 | ISSUE 4546

Baseball

Several 2009 MLB Awards Clearly Thought Up On The Spot

11.21.09 | ISSUE 4547
Mickey Mouse Noticeably Avoids A-Rod During Trip To Disney World

11.17.09 | ISSUE 4546
Kansas City Fails To Pick Up Option On Royals

11.16.09 | ISSUE 4546
Report: Yankees Trademarked 'Yankees Suck' Chant In 1996

11.13.09 | ISSUE 4546
95-Year-Old Yankees Fan Afraid He'll Never Get To See Team Win 27 More World Series

11.06.09 | ISSUE 4545
Derek Jeter

11.05.09 | ISSUE 4545

Basketball

LeBron James Encourages NBA To Stop Jumping In Honor Of Michael Jordan

11.20.09 | ISSUE 4547
Brandon Jennings

11.19.09 | ISSUE 4552
Memphis Grizzlies Continue To Insist They Have 5 Players Better Than Allen Iverson

11.14.09 | ISSUE 4546
Tim Duncan Makes Citizen's Foul Call

11.10.09 | ISSUE 4545
Shaq, Cavaliers Start To Bond After Rollerblading Around Cleveland

11.07.09 | ISSUE 4545
40,000 Revenge-Seeking Bats Descend Upon Manu Ginobili

11.05.09 | ISSUE 4545

Hockey

People Probably Affiliated With Hockey In Some Way Inducted In Hockey Hall Of Fame

11.12.09 | ISSUE 4546
Flyers Defeat Devils In What Everyone Involved Believes To Be Preseason Game

10.09.09 | ISSUE 4541
Rangers Win Stanley Cup 15 Years Ago

06.18.09 | ISSUE 4527
Kobe Brygdanov Leads Red Wings To Game 2 Win

06.04.09 | ISSUE 4523
Detroit, Pittsburgh Both Attempting To Lose Stanley Cup, Avoid Expensive Victory Parade

06.04.09 | ISSUE 4523
Alexander Ovechkin

05.07.09 | ISSUE 4519

The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

© Copyright 2009 Onion Inc. All rights reserved.

Meet Other Onion Readers

more personals »