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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

Band's Van Breaks Down

issue 3001 | 08.07.96 | News

CHAPEL HILL, NC—Promising local band Spacegoat suffered a major setback on its path to fame yesterday, when its 1982 Dodge van broke down en route... more»
Chinese Athletes Put Back Into Storage

issue 3001 | 08.07.96 | News

BEIJING, CHINA—After two weeks of remarkable success against the world's finest athletes, the Chinese National Olympic Team was carefully... more»
Giant Six-Year-Old Devastates Area Ant Community

issue 3001 | 08.07.96 | News

THE SANDBOX—Blasts of chemically coded vapor signifying distress were heard throughout the ant community yesterday, when Colony #000567KLN00067Q... more»
United Nations Pledges $1.2 Billion In Indigestion Relief For U.S.

issue 3001 | 08.07.96 | News

In what has been called the largest gastrointestinal rescue effort in history, the United Nations allocated $1.2 billion in antacid relief yesterday... more»
Clinton Announces New 'No Walkman' Rule for Congress

issue 3001 | 08.07.96 | News

WASHINGTON, DC—In a reversal of more than 15 years of Presidential Walkman policy, Bill Clinton announced Monday he is banning all personal... more»
Radioactive Yeast Infection Transforms Local Woman into Superpowered Crimefighter

issue 3001 | 08.07.96 | News

METROPOLIS—In a transformation that has baffled nuclear physicists and gynecologists alike, an area woman recently gained superhuman powers through... more»
Special Olympics Fixed

issue 2923 | 07.10.96 | News

A secret investigation sent shock waves across the sports world yesterday, when it revealed that the Special Olympics, one of the nation's premier... more»
NASA Baffled by Failure of Straw Shuttle

issue 2912 | 04.03.96 | News

NASA officials watched in horror Monday as the $68 billion straw space shuttle, Explorer 2, burst into flames just after liftoff from Cape... more»
Christ Returns to NBA

issue 2912 | 04.03.96 | News

After a two-year hiatus, Jesus Christ returned to the NBA last night, taking the court with his former team, the Atlanta Hawks. Christ, who quit... more»