News

Study: Abstinence-Only Lunch Programs Ineffective At Combating Teen Obesity

issue 4531 | 07.27.09 | News

WASHINGTON—“As children grow and their bodies develop, they’re going to have certain metabolic urges that are impossible to suppress,”... more»

Potato-Faced Youngster Lauded For Memorizing Primitive 26-Character Alphabet

issue 4530 | 07.27.09 | News

Following approved article contains: Confounding celebration of dim-witted child's miniscule achievement; Evidence of great failure that is... more»

Grandfather Disrespected In Own Home

issue 4530 | 07.22.09 | News

Following approved article contains: Facts about importance of filial piety; Lessons to be dutifully gleaned from parable of Shanzi; Woeful... more»

Internet Adds 12th Website

issue 4530 | 07.21.09 | News

Following approved article contains: Accurate report on addition of Seedstore.com to the World Wide Web; Emphasis on China’s commitment... more»

Area Man Uninterested In Creating A Better Community Even Though This May Benefit Him In The Long Run

issue 4530 | 07.21.09 | News

Following approved article contains: Detailed account of American selfishness in matters concerning the state; The multiple failures of... more»

Grandmother Classifies 79% Of Everything A Shame

issue 4529 | 07.18.09 | News

SANDUSKY, OH—While most things to Gertrude Wharton are simply "a shame," other, more intense degrees include "a real shame," "a crying shame,"... more»

Wow Factor Added To Corporate Presentation

issue 4529 | 07.17.09 | News

CHARLOTTE, NC—Sources confirmed that the wow factor—an intangible set of viscerally pleasing features that instill onlookers with a feeling... more»

Nation Descends Into Chaos As Throat Infection Throws Off Obama's Cadence

issue 4529 | 07.14.09 | News

WASHINGTON—"Run for your lives! The president no longer has a masterful yet unpretentious command of the English language," cried citizens from... more»

Disillusioned FBI Launches Nationwide Hunt For Some Kind Of Truth

issue 4529 | 07.13.09 | News

WASHINGTON—Nearly 8,000 federal agents have been mobilized to search for the amorphous concept, with several units being deployed to watch the... more»

7 Million People Direct Descendants Of Single Smooth-Talking Ancestor

issue 4529 | 07.11.09 | News

BALTIMORE—"To have propagated his genetic material so effectively, we can infer the he was quite the charmer," said head researcher Lawrence... more»

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

Study: Abstinence-Only Lunch Programs Ineffective At Combating Teen Obesity

Potato-Faced Youngster Lauded For Memorizing Primitive 26-Character Alphabet

Grandfather Disrespected In Own Home

Internet Adds 12th Website

Area Man Uninterested In Creating A Better Community Even Though This May Benefit Him In The Long Run

Grandmother Classifies 79% Of Everything A Shame

Wow Factor Added To Corporate Presentation

Nation Descends Into Chaos As Throat Infection Throws Off Obama's Cadence

Disillusioned FBI Launches Nationwide Hunt For Some Kind Of Truth

7 Million People Direct Descendants Of Single Smooth-Talking Ancestor

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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s