News In Brief

Heroin Addicts Pressure President To Stay Course In Afghanistan

issue 4547 | 11.19.09 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—As the White House considers sweeping strategic shifts in the war in Afghanistan, heroin addicts across the nation called... more»
Middle East Small Talks To Focus On Getting Israel, Palestine To Discuss Weather

issue 4547 | 11.18.09 | News In Brief

LONDON—According to State Department officials, the violently clashing peoples of Israel and Palestine have agreed to resume small... more»
Report: Fiber Optics Not A Real Thing

issue 4547 | 11.17.09 | News In Brief

BOSTON—Members of the world's engineering and telecommunications communities admitted Tuesday that fiber optics, the supposed... more»
Greyhound Now Offering Direct Service From Kansas To L.A. Porn Director's Driveway

issue 4547 | 11.16.09 | News In Brief

DALLAS—In an effort to reduce travel times for thousands of customers every year, Greyhound Lines announced Monday that it will now... more»
Man Raised By Wolves Worried He's Slowly Turning Into Father

issue 4546 | 11.13.09 | News In Brief

INVERMERE, BC—Calling it a "real wake-up call," local claims adjuster Paul Koda'wahya told reporters Monday that he has finally reached... more»
American Muslims To Fort Hood Shooter: 'Thanks A Lot, Asshole'

issue 4546 | 11.12.09 | News In Brief

FORT HOOD, TX—Following Army psychologist Nidal Malik Hasan's shooting rampage on the Fort Hood military base last week that left 13... more»
H.R. 2651 Fans Storm Senate Floor After Passage Of Bill

issue 4546 | 11.12.09 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON—Diehard fans of H.R. 2651 charged the floor of the Senate chamber Tuesday after their bill, a 14-vote underdog nicknamed... more»
Group Of Good-Looking People All Headed Toward Same Place

issue 4546 | 11.11.09 | News In Brief

DOWNTOWN—A procession of strikingly attractive people, tastefully dressed for an evening out and sporting high-priced yet pleasantly... more»
Increasingly Horrified Man Listens To Self Explain What He Does For A Living

issue 4546 | 11.10.09 | News In Brief

CHARLOTTE, NC—Dawning horror tinged with self-loathing crept slowly over the face of claims adjuster Robert Pettlebaum, 42, as he... more»
Poll: 100% Of Grandsons Talented

issue 4546 | 11.09.09 | News In Brief

ATLANTA—A Zogby poll of 1,542 American grandparents published Monday found that grandsons were described as "very" to "extremely"... more»

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

Heroin Addicts Pressure President To Stay Course In Afghanistan

Middle East Small Talks To Focus On Getting Israel, Palestine To Discuss Weather

Report: Fiber Optics Not A Real Thing

Greyhound Now Offering Direct Service From Kansas To L.A. Porn Director's Driveway

Man Raised By Wolves Worried He's Slowly Turning Into Father

American Muslims To Fort Hood Shooter: 'Thanks A Lot, Asshole'

H.R. 2651 Fans Storm Senate Floor After Passage Of Bill

Group Of Good-Looking People All Headed Toward Same Place

Increasingly Horrified Man Listens To Self Explain What He Does For A Living

Poll: 100% Of Grandsons Talented

Onion Store

Featured Section »

Entertainment

From Our News Partners

The OnionConnect

Site Links

Subscriptions, RSS, Mobile, Etc.

Email Dispatch

Meet Other Onion Readers

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s GA_googleFillSlot("100x12_avfocus");

From Our News Partners

The OnionConnect

Site Links

Email Dispatch

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s