News In Brief

mobile edition

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

Jews To Celebrate Rosh Hashasha Or Something

issue 3005 | 09.11.96 | News In Brief

JERUSALEM—Jews the world over are preparing to celebrate Rosh Hashanukah or something this weekend, the traditional Jewish holiday marking some... more»
Defense Department Layoffs Result In Increased Video Rentals

issue 3005 | 09.11.96 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—In a high-level Pentagon memo, it was revealed yesterday that the recent laying off of more than 2,500 Defense Department employees... more»
U.S. Consumers Demand Wider Selection

issue 3004 | 09.04.96 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Dissatisfied with their current range of choices, American consumers banded together Sunday to demand a wider selection of... more»
Area Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work

issue 3004 | 09.04.96 | News In Brief

ROCHESTER, NY—According to sources, an idea thought of Monday has been reported to be so crazy and ill-conceived that it may actually wind up... more»
Erik Estrada Big In Mexico

issue 3004 | 09.04.96 | News In Brief

LOS ANGELES—According to word out of Hollywood, former CHIPs star and '70s sex symbol Erik Estrada is reportedly big in Mexico. "Yeah, Erik... more»
'Perfect' Birthday Card Discovered In Local Mall

issue 3004 | 09.04.96 | News In Brief

SCHAUMBURG, IL—After a nearly hour-long search, which included visits to some five stationery stores, local resident Doris Kessler finally found... more»
Kremlin Reports Yeltsin In Good Health Following Burial

issue 3004 | 09.04.96 | News In Brief

MOSCOW—In an effort to quell the many rumors circulating regarding the Russian president's physical condition, Kremlin officials reassured the... more»
Liver Flees George Jones' Body

issue 3003 | 08.28.96 | News In Brief

NASHVILLE, TN—After more than 40 years of absorbing vast quantities of hard alcohol, George Jones' liver finally fled the famed country singer's... more»
Year Abroad Changes Student's Worldview For One Year

issue 3003 | 08.28.96 | News In Brief

SKOKIE, IL—After a tremendously broadening year of travel through Northern Africa, area student Naomi Pilchner returned home to the U.S. yesterday,... more»
Clinton Gets Box To Put Government's Stuff In

issue 3003 | 08.28.96 | News In Brief

WASHINGTON, DC—Unable to keep track of an ever-mounting pile of federal items, President Clinton got a big box to put all the government's stuff in... more»

The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

Meet Other Onion Readers

more personals »

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

News In Brief

Jews To Celebrate Rosh Hashasha Or Something

Defense Department Layoffs Result In Increased Video Rentals

U.S. Consumers Demand Wider Selection

Area Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work

Erik Estrada Big In Mexico

'Perfect' Birthday Card Discovered In Local Mall

Kremlin Reports Yeltsin In Good Health Following Burial

Liver Flees George Jones' Body

Year Abroad Changes Student's Worldview For One Year

Clinton Gets Box To Put Government's Stuff In

Onion Store

Featured Section »

Entertainment

From Our News Partners

The OnionConnect

Site Links

Subscriptions, RSS, Mobile, Etc.

Email Dispatch

Meet Other Onion Readers

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s GA_googleFillSlot("100x12_avfocus");

From Our News Partners

The OnionConnect

Site Links

Email Dispatch

At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s