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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

T Herman Zweibel

Well, I've Sold The Paper To The Chinese

issue 4530 | 07.20.09 | Columnists

As the longtime publisher of this news-paper, it is my duty and unrestrained pleasure to announce to you spittle-soaked readers that I have... more»
Onion Publisher Emeritus Introduces The Onion's 'War For The White House' Web Site

issue 4403 | 01.21.08 | Columnists

My lackeys inform me that it is almost time to appoint a new President, and therefore time for the suet-brained populace of this... more»
I Miss My Old Sled

issue 4201 | 01.04.06 | Columnists

I have been informed that winter has been upon us for a good month now. It is during this long season that my thoughts invariably turn to my... more»
My Failed Suicide Attempts

issue 3211 | 10.14.03 | Columnists

There is nothing I desire more than for dear, sweet Death to draw its soft shroud around me and usher me from this mortal coil. But after 132 years,... more»
The Final Frontier

issue 3646 | 12.20.00 | Columnists

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Standish and I are currently hurtling away from the Earth in a giant metal rocket-ship. It turns out... more»
A Walk In The Woods

issue 3645 | 12.13.00 | Columnists

Well, I must say, this is a surprise! My darling son N. Aeschylus has gently lifted me out of my death-bed and is carrying me down-stairs and across... more»
All's Right With The World

issue 3644 | 12.06.00 | Columnists

Huzzah and greetings to the fine Onion reader-ship! All is well with you, I hope! You have a crust to gnaw upon and whale-oil aplenty, I trust? No... more»
Mockery

issue 3643 | 11.29.00 | Columnists

Hi, everybody! I'm T. Herman Zweibel! I'm old and stupid! I wet myself a lot! I live in a big, stupid mansion! Listen to me talk about a lot of old... more»
A Portentous Estate Sale

issue 3641 | 11.15.00 | Columnists

Several months ago, I informed The Onion's Middle-western readers of their impending sale as part of an offering of this news-paper's... more»

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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

T Herman Zweibel

Well, I've Sold The Paper To The Chinese

Onion Publisher Emeritus Introduces The Onion's 'War For The White House' Web Site

I Miss My Old Sled

My Failed Suicide Attempts

The Final Frontier

A Walk In The Woods

All's Right With The World

Mockery

A Portentous Estate Sale

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