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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

T Herman Zweibel

My Employees Of The Month

issue 3608 | 03.08.00 | Columnists

As an Onion reader, you know God-damned well that I did not rise to the position of Publisher by relying on you barely literate, gape-jawed... more»
An Open Letter To Pope Pius X

issue 3607 | 03.01.00 | Columnists

Dear Pope Pius, or Leo, or Boniface, or what-ever you're calling your-self these days, more»
My Mind Is As Sharp As It Ever Was

issue 3606 | 02.23.00 | Columnists

As I grow increasingly ancient, and therefore more prone to the rapacious violations of that great pervert Father Time, I become imprisoned in my own... more»
Pater Is Haunting Me Again

issue 3605 | 02.16.00 | Columnists

Aaaagggghhhh! Nurse, nurse, help! Help! The ghost of my late father, Herman Ulysses Zweibel, is haunting me again! Help! Murder! Police! more»
The Importance Of The Vote

issue 3603 | 02.02.00 | Columnists

It has been brought to my attention that I should advise my tallow-headed readership on the importance of occupying the voting-stalls in the coming... more»
Son Of Zweibel Strikes Again

issue 3602 | 01.26.00 | Columnists

Yesterday morning, Standish brought a letter from my fiancée, Miss Bernadette Fiske. I was so excited to get it, I pissed my swaddling-wraps clean... more»
I Believe I Shall Destroy The Stock Market Again

issue 3601 | 01.19.00 | Columnists

Yesterday, I was listening to Beavers, my aide-de-camp and advisor in matters financial, narrate the financial abstract of my vast personal fortune... more»
Another Lousy Christ-mas

issue 3547 | 12.22.99 | Columnists

How appropriate, during the season in which we celebrate the glorious nativity of our Holy Savior the Christ-Child, that I found my-self the proud... more»
My Yule-Tide Absolutions

issue 3546 | 12.15.99 | Columnists

Long-time readers of my column know that I am a vengeful and jealous man gifted with a fear-some wrath. I did not become the great news-paper-man I... more»
A Blessed Event

issue 3545 | 12.08.99 | Columnists

I have just received a telegram from my mistress and sweet-heart, Miss Bernadette Fiske, that says she has given birth to a bouncing baby boy of my... more»

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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

T Herman Zweibel

My Employees Of The Month

An Open Letter To Pope Pius X

My Mind Is As Sharp As It Ever Was

Pater Is Haunting Me Again

The Importance Of The Vote

Son Of Zweibel Strikes Again

I Believe I Shall Destroy The Stock Market Again

Another Lousy Christ-mas

My Yule-Tide Absolutions

A Blessed Event

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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s