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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

T Herman Zweibel

  • Huzzah For The Death Of A Child!

    issue 3533 | 09.15.99 | Columnists

    Rejoice, O readers! Let there be songs of praise sung throughout the press-rooms! Bedeck the rooms of my estate with the merry-buntings, and polish... more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

  • Ghost-Writer In The Machine

    issue 3532 | 09.08.99 | Columnists

    This morning, I awoke to find my ingrate son M. Prescott prodding my rib-cage with his gold-tipped walking stick. He wanted an old "Message" of mine... more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

  • A Profanity Primer

    issue 3531 | 09.01.99 | Columnists

    It enrages me beyond all tolerance to see what has be-come of people these days. There is not one man jack in a hundred with any back-bone any-more!... more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

  • Remembering The Stink-weed

    issue 3530 | 08.25.99 | Columnists

    The Onion was not the first publication I edited and published. In my senior year at Cadwalader Preparatory Academy, I was in charge of the... more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

  • I Must Not Be Stolen

    issue 3529 | 08.18.99 | Columnists

    As many of you doubt-less know, my current situation is less than secure. I have, of late, been stolen no less than twice: Once, I was waylaid by... more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

  • I Do Not Trust My Man-Servant

    issue 3527 | 08.04.99 | Columnists

    Over the course of my 115 years as a news-paper-man, I have come to realize the value of loyalty... It amounts to zilch! more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

  • Zweibel's ABCs

    issue 3526 | 07.28.99 | Columnists

    I was recently informed that quite a large number of Americans remain illiterate, a fact I initially considered good news. Once people are taught to... more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

  • I Am Lost In My Mansion

    issue 3525 | 07.22.99 | Columnists

    I was awakened suddenly this morning by the terrible sound of metal grating upon metal. When I opened my eyes, I was treated to the nightmarish... more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

  • Ro-bot Monster

    issue 3524 | 06.23.99 | Columnists

    As a youth, I always envisioned that my older years would be fraught with peace and grace, and that I would sit under the shade of a sycamore tree in... more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

  • Pomp And Circumstance

    issue 3523 | 06.16.99 | Columnists

    Last week, the telephone-device in my bed-chamber sounded, and I nearly jumped out of my desiccated, paper-like skin. No-one ever summons me in my... more»

    T. Herman Zweibel

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