Today marks the eighth anniversary
of the September 11th
terrorist attacks on this country.
Across the nation millions of Americans are
showing their respect for the somber occasion
by reminding themselves
not to masturbate.
It's a serious day, and it's in really bad
taste to masturbate today.
It's hard to go a whole day without
jerkin' off even once,
but it's the respectful
and patriotic thing to do.
At ceremonies across the nation
thousands gathered to light candles,
give prayers,
and silently remind themselves
that it would be wrong to touch themselves
sexually when they get home.
The solemn gathering gave those who
attended a chance to reflect
on where they were
eight years ago today.
A day that will be marked forever after as
a day that will feel weird to masturbate on.
I was watching television
while masturbating,
and they started showing
the footage of the Towers,
and I knew it wasn't right
to finish up.
Media outlets are doing their part
to help the American public
not feel like masturbating by printing
and broadcasting hundreds of images
of weeping Americans,
and many pornographic websites
took down their content
for 24 hours.
But for some,
especially those who are younger,
the passing of 9/11
is becoming a less meaningful occasion.
I know that I probably
shouldn't masturbate today,
but I don't know, should I not masturbate
on Pearl Harbor Day too?
There's literally nothing in this world
that will keep me from masturbating.
While today is somber, many are looking
forward to tomorrow, 9/12,
so called "Masturbation Day"
in America,
where everyone is going to masturbate twice
as much to make up for the previous day.
Moving on,
Congress is holding hearings
to appoint a new cast member
to The View this week.
Playlists
Label
