Onion News Network

The Onion

With Christmas almost here, aunts and step dads across the country are braving the crowds to get their hands on the must have gift for 2 The Presto Electric Tea Kettle. After appearing at the top of Good Housekeeping's 2 of top 1 the teapot has been nearly impossible to find due to demand from aunts and step dads, desperate to get the perfect gift for relatives they are hopelessly out of touch with. We can't even keep them on the shelves. They're selling faster than last year's purple fleece robe and the dog coin bank, that barks when you put coins in it. Stores nation wide report they are sold out of the kettle. In Akron, Ohio, hundreds of aunts and step dads lined up hours before this store opened, after word got out that it had received a new shipment of electric tea kettles. Everyone needs a tea kettle when they're in college, which I think my nephew is. I wish I could see Becky's face when she opens this on Christmas morning, but I think she's going to be at her real dad's. Shoppers who were lucky enough to get the coveted item, are saying the trouble was well worth it. I think I did great. But Becky won't let me in her room so I hope she doesn't already have one of these. Stores are trying to pair the electric tea kettle with other gifts no one under 5 like this selection of herbal teas, packed in a tin shaped like a cat. But the added stress of the holidays seems to be bringing out the worst in people as well. Earlier today, police were called to a Kansas City mall, after step dads began fighting over a store's last remaining Presto Tea Kettle. Police did not arrest the men, stating that "As estranged step dads hopelessly trying to attain the affection of children who do not and will not ever love them the men have suffered enough this holiday season". That seems like a perfect gift for my wife's kids. Coming up next - What's the true meaning of Christmas? Our Christmas panel dukes it out from the Christmas war room. We'll be right back. LA-Z-BOY CHIEF EXECUTIVE REPORTS RECLINE IN STOCK PRICES.