If you could all
just settle down.
I propose a full committee
vote on whether to
act on the matter
of the bat,
which has been trapped in this
chamber for the past 15 minutes.
All those in favor
of attempting to...
All those in favor of attempting
to capture the bat, say, "Aye."
Aye!
- Aye. - Aye!
It's clear that the majority of
those present feel we need to act.
I therefore propose that we
have all the lights in the
chambers turned off
and all the windows opened.
The bat will fly towards the
sunlight and out the window.
No, then, Mr. Chairman,
I respectfully disagree.
The best plan of action
is to capture the bat
and then release it outside...
- Oh! - Get out!
Representative McCullough,
I believe that
catching the bat would
prove extremely difficult.
It's very fast.
-Well I have read that
in situations like
this, one can place
honey or sugar
water into a jar.
And then when the bat
climbs into the jar...
...to drink it-
-Representative McCullough!
Waiting for the bat to enter
the jar could take hours!
We need immediate action!
Now, I propose to put a
piece of fruit on the table
and when the bat
comes down to eat it
we simply clamp a
large bowl over it.
We don't have a large bowl.
And that plan would require
us to move faster than the bat.
I maintain simply
turning off the lights
and waiting for the bat to
leave is the best option.
If you do not think my
bowl plan is tenable,
then I suggest
requiring a large fan
and blowing it towards
the window.
Or making it uncomfortable,
so it just leaves.
Probably the reason he came
in here in the first place,
because it's cold outside.
- Representative Cummings,
it doesn't matter
why the bat is here
or how he got in here,
if we simply turn
off the lights.
What! Jeez.
- Oh!
This should not be a difficult
problem to solve.
What do we know about bats?
They're nocturnal.
They live in caves.
They use echolocution.
I believe the Representative
from Virginia means
echolocation.
State for the record I meant
echolocation. - Noted.
I move we take a recess
so I can call my brother.
His first wife was
a veterinarian.
Now if we're going to call
anyone we should call 311.
And have them send
over animal control.
I was not aware that 311
had that service included.
Yes! 311 Can be used
to receive information
and to access city
government programs.
It is woefully underutilized.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
But a few years ago
I had the pleasure of
spending the afternoon with an 89 year
old woman in Bowman, South Carolina.
She was active in her church.
She had worked hard all her life.
And on that particular afternoon
a bird flew in the house.
And she simply solved
her problem by
turning out the lights,
leaving the window open,
letting the bird
leave on its own.
And I believe that-
- Just a moment!
Just a moment!
Where is it?
I believe it flew
out the window.
Excellent!
Then we can proceed with
our scheduled discussion
of HR-21
- Ah!
Could somebody call security?
- There it is! It was right there!
STILL AHEAD
REP. TRAVIS CHILDERS (D-MS) CO-WRITES
WITH COLDPLAY'S CHRIS MARTIN.
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