Onion News Network

The Onion

CONCENTRIC CIRCLES EMANATING FROM POINT IN S. PACIFIC Script: Joe Wengert Idea: Michael Delaney 5-2-07 (CLK) INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO ANCHOR We've just gotten word on some breaking news. GRAPHIC: An unlabeled map of Indonesia appears over the Anchor's left shoulder. There is a red glowing point in the water west of Indonesia. Earthquake concentric circles emanate from the point. PRODUCTION NOTE: We will need this graphic on monitors on set. ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D) A series of concentric circles have started to emanate from this glowing red point in the big blue area on the map over my left shoulder. The circles are now colliding with the multiple green, misshapen objects about 6 inches away from the pulsating dot. We cut to a SCIENTIST, wearing suit, on the split screen. ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D) Joining us now is our concentric circle expert, Ryan Colman. Ryan, can you tell our viewers at home what is happening? ALTERNATE: ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D) Joining us now is our expert in a suit, Ryan Colman. Ryan, can you tell our viewers at home what is happening? GRAPHIC: We see a graphic of the area, with the "jagged line" showing where the tectonic plates separated. There are large red arrows pointing to the jagged line from either side. EXPERT (V.O.) Yes. Occasionally, these large red arrows will appear in the large blue area and then these circles spread outward. GRAPHIC: Squiggly lines appear on the map showing where the earthquake hit the shore. ANCHOR I see there are squiggly lines appearing on the outer edges of the little green things, especially that long skinny one. GRAPHIC: Zoom in on the long skinny main island. Cities are indicted by black dots. ANCHOR (V.O.) (CONT'D) Yes, many of these black dots located on the green misshapen are showing squiggly lines as well. EXPERT Well, Anchor, the squiggle lines on the green blob is a direct result of the concentric circles. As well as these bands of color that have just appeared -- the orange band, the yellow-orange band, the orange yellow band, and the yellow band. GRAPHIC: We cut to a diagram showing damage to the area. The point of the earthquake is surrounded by oval-shaped layers extending outward, each a layer a different color to signify damage. GRAPHIC: A diagram of the main island with bands of damage. The area along the coast is orange, with the bands changing to yellow (less damage) as we move inland. ANCHOR I see. Will the concentric circles trigger also rows of little people like we saw in 2004? CHYRON: From 2004 GRAPHIC: We cut to a bar graph displaying the death toll in different countries indicated by little rows of people icons. The lines of people appear on outlines of various countries. EXPERT (V.O.) It's likely. ANCHOR And will the chart appear along with a somber musical cue, as we saw back then? EXPERT It is a serious possibility, Anchor. GRAPHIC: Just then the graphic appears, showing a death toll for Indonesia and a few surrounding countries. Its appearance is accompanied by a somber cue. ANCHOR Joining us now live from that southernmost green misshapen circle is the voice of an on-scene reporter and an image of a telephone. GRAPHIC: An icon of a telephone comes up next to the map. The map shows the reporters location about 50 miles from the coast. CHYRON: Voice of a Local Reporter, Live On-scene Reporter, can you describe what you are seeing there in the green long-shaped thing? REPORTER It's chaos. People are running through the streets... ANCHOR Do you see any concentric circles? REPORTER What? No. People are running through the streets. There are flattened buildings. Uprooted trees. I see injured people... ANCHOR What color are the squiggly lines? REPORTER Lines? Yes, there are telephone lines everywhere. I have seen several fires. On no-- GRAPHIC: The line goes dead and the telephone icon disappears. ANCHOR On-scene reporter? On-scene reporter? The telephone image seems to have disappeared. Expert, is this something to be expected? GRAPHIC: Now the map is back. The first set of circles emanates, followed by a second set of smaller circles, a second earthquake. EXPERT Yes, a second series of emanating circles occurring a short time after the first is not entirely out of the ordinary. ANCHOR Well, that's good to hear. After the break, our economy expert will discuss how the concentric circles are tied to the sudden big downward slant on this jagged line. GRAPHIC: Show an economic line graph. THE END