via @TheOnion - Controversial Tell-All Book Reveals Wrestling Fans Are Fake
WRESTLING FANS ARE FAKE
Script by: Dominic Dierkes / Idea by: Carol Kolb
5/2 (CLK)
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
STOCK FOOTAGE: A professional wrestling match.
STOCK FOOTAGE: Crowds cheering at a wresting event. Really
stupid-looking fans holding signs.
ANCHOR
Wrestling fans are known as some of
the most rabid in the sports world.
The sight of the professional
wrestling event is a familiar one
to any tv viewer-- thousand of fan
screaming, clapping and waving
signs. Well, get ready to have your
perceptions turned upside down. A
new book reveals that the thousands
of people who crowd the stadiums at
WWE events are not the passionate
fans they appear to be, but in
fact, fake.
PHOTO: The cover of the book. The cover of the book has a
full-body picture of author Craig Thompson split down the
middle. In one half he's dressed as a rabid wrestling fan and
on the other half, he's normal.
LOWER THIRD: Sports Shocker: Wrestling Fans Fake?
ANCHOR (CONT'D)
We're joined now from Mountain
View, California, by the author or
"Faked: My Life as a professional
wrestling Fan," Craig Thompson.
SPLIT SCREEN with Craig Thompson. He looks cleaned up and
much more intelligent than he did on the book cover.
ANCHOR (CONT'D)
Mr. Thompson. This is a very
controversial book. The whole
Smackdown audience, the crowds at
the Wrestlemania events ... None of
them are real?
CRAIG
Well, our peformance is
choreographed. But being a
wrestling fan takes just as much
dedication and physical effort as
being a quote unquote real fan for
some other sport. In fact, more.
ANCHOR
What does that mean...
choreographed?
CRAIG
I know it's been shocking for some
to hear, but wrestling audiences
actions are planned out well in
advance. Fans are given costumes--
maybe stone-washed jeans and a
Stone Cold Steve Austin tank top.
We're told who to root for at the
event.
ANCHOR
Did you have lines? Was there a
script?
CRAIG
We had the basic beats worked out.
The fact that it all looks so
chaotic shows just what a great job
the producers did. We knew who we
would boo and throw things at and
who the women should flash -- you
don't deviate from that, because
those are key audience punch-in
shots.
ANCHOR
Well, you certainly had me fooled.
Every event does seem like such a
spectacle.
CRAIG
The attempt is not to fool people.
This is a sport. And we were simply
there to make it more fun. The fact
is, a four hour Wrestlemania event
requires a constant focus on real
strenuous flailing and yelling...
That's not easy. You have to
maintain a complete lack of
discerning taste or appreciation
for quality sporting events.
It's very demanding.
The events were very grueling,
physically. There are not a lot of
people who could stand on top of a
folding chair waving a sign for
three hours.
ANCHOR
Your book says there are some
complicated theatrics involved,
too.
CRAIG
Yes. Well, one move was called the
soda jump and drench. When
something exciting happened, I'd
leap up, and give my 32 ounce jumbo
soda cup a little flip with my knee
in just the right way to send the
contents flying through the air in
a cascade. Paired with a fist pump
and a hoot -- it's a complicated
move, and it can be dramatic.
ANCHOR
And there tricks of the trade, as
well?
CRAIG
We definitely make use of camera
angles... We might not be leaning
over the railing quite as far as it
looks on the TV at home. Some of
our sound is enhanced.
ANCHOR
Do you feel it was wrong to deceive
the public?
CRAIG
No. We were putting on a show. Of
support. That was the whole point,
to provide entertainment for the
fans at home. If the crowd didn't
boo and hiss, maybe the viewers at
home wouldn't catch that someone
just delivered an illegal karate
chop to the back of someone else's
head.
ANCHOR
Why did you decide to pull back the
curtain?
CRAIG
It wasn't a well-kept secret.
People were beginning to figure it
out. Even my 8-year-old son said to
me, "Daddy, I can tell you and your
friends are faking it."
ANCHOR
Speaking of those friends, A lot of
your fellow performers are not
happy about your exposing this
secret. Here's a quote from a pro
fan in Houston, TX from today's
paper.
GRAPHIC: The words on screen. "Craig has made an enemy of all
the professional fans he says he holds in such high esteem.
Craig will see who is the TRUE professional fan when we meet
at the WrestleMania Revenge event in Greenville, SC."
ANCHOR (CONT'D)
He writes: "Craig Thompson has made
an enemy of all the wrestling fans
he says he holds in such high
esteem. This worm will see who is
the TRUE pro fan when we meet at
the WrestleMania Revenge event in
Greenville, SC."
CRAIG
Well, I guess we'll see in
Greenville.
ANCHOR
Thank you for being here, Mr.
Thompson. The book is "Faked: My
Life as a professional wrestling
fan." Next up...
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