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The Onion

WRESTLING FANS ARE FAKE Script by: Dominic Dierkes / Idea by: Carol Kolb 5/2 (CLK) INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO STOCK FOOTAGE: A professional wrestling match. STOCK FOOTAGE: Crowds cheering at a wresting event. Really stupid-looking fans holding signs. ANCHOR Wrestling fans are known as some of the most rabid in the sports world. The sight of the professional wrestling event is a familiar one to any tv viewer-- thousand of fan screaming, clapping and waving signs. Well, get ready to have your perceptions turned upside down. A new book reveals that the thousands of people who crowd the stadiums at WWE events are not the passionate fans they appear to be, but in fact, fake. PHOTO: The cover of the book. The cover of the book has a full-body picture of author Craig Thompson split down the middle. In one half he's dressed as a rabid wrestling fan and on the other half, he's normal. LOWER THIRD: Sports Shocker: Wrestling Fans Fake? ANCHOR (CONT'D) We're joined now from Mountain View, California, by the author or "Faked: My Life as a professional wrestling Fan," Craig Thompson. SPLIT SCREEN with Craig Thompson. He looks cleaned up and much more intelligent than he did on the book cover. ANCHOR (CONT'D) Mr. Thompson. This is a very controversial book. The whole Smackdown audience, the crowds at the Wrestlemania events ... None of them are real? CRAIG Well, our peformance is choreographed. But being a wrestling fan takes just as much dedication and physical effort as being a quote unquote real fan for some other sport. In fact, more. ANCHOR What does that mean... choreographed? CRAIG I know it's been shocking for some to hear, but wrestling audiences actions are planned out well in advance. Fans are given costumes-- maybe stone-washed jeans and a Stone Cold Steve Austin tank top. We're told who to root for at the event. ANCHOR Did you have lines? Was there a script? CRAIG We had the basic beats worked out. The fact that it all looks so chaotic shows just what a great job the producers did. We knew who we would boo and throw things at and who the women should flash -- you don't deviate from that, because those are key audience punch-in shots. ANCHOR Well, you certainly had me fooled. Every event does seem like such a spectacle. CRAIG The attempt is not to fool people. This is a sport. And we were simply there to make it more fun. The fact is, a four hour Wrestlemania event requires a constant focus on real strenuous flailing and yelling... That's not easy. You have to maintain a complete lack of discerning taste or appreciation for quality sporting events. It's very demanding. The events were very grueling, physically. There are not a lot of people who could stand on top of a folding chair waving a sign for three hours. ANCHOR Your book says there are some complicated theatrics involved, too. CRAIG Yes. Well, one move was called the soda jump and drench. When something exciting happened, I'd leap up, and give my 32 ounce jumbo soda cup a little flip with my knee in just the right way to send the contents flying through the air in a cascade. Paired with a fist pump and a hoot -- it's a complicated move, and it can be dramatic. ANCHOR And there tricks of the trade, as well? CRAIG We definitely make use of camera angles... We might not be leaning over the railing quite as far as it looks on the TV at home. Some of our sound is enhanced. ANCHOR Do you feel it was wrong to deceive the public? CRAIG No. We were putting on a show. Of support. That was the whole point, to provide entertainment for the fans at home. If the crowd didn't boo and hiss, maybe the viewers at home wouldn't catch that someone just delivered an illegal karate chop to the back of someone else's head. ANCHOR Why did you decide to pull back the curtain? CRAIG It wasn't a well-kept secret. People were beginning to figure it out. Even my 8-year-old son said to me, "Daddy, I can tell you and your friends are faking it." ANCHOR Speaking of those friends, A lot of your fellow performers are not happy about your exposing this secret. Here's a quote from a pro fan in Houston, TX from today's paper. GRAPHIC: The words on screen. "Craig has made an enemy of all the professional fans he says he holds in such high esteem. Craig will see who is the TRUE professional fan when we meet at the WrestleMania Revenge event in Greenville, SC." ANCHOR (CONT'D) He writes: "Craig Thompson has made an enemy of all the wrestling fans he says he holds in such high esteem. This worm will see who is the TRUE pro fan when we meet at the WrestleMania Revenge event in Greenville, SC." CRAIG Well, I guess we'll see in Greenville. ANCHOR Thank you for being here, Mr. Thompson. The book is "Faked: My Life as a professional wrestling fan." Next up...