via @TheOnion - East Timor's First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women
East Timor has a troubled history,
but tonight, it is a place
of inspiration and
progress for women.
Amivi Gama seized control
of the nation's capital today,
becoming East Timor's
first ever female dictator.
Reporter Mark Ward
has the story.
It's been a long, hard
journey for Amivi Gama
but it was worth it.
After a bloody,
six day long coup,
a triumphant Gama declared herself
president for life,
commander in chief
of the armed forces,
and high court chief justice
today,
proving that a woman can
rule with an iron fist,
just as well as
any man.
For years we were terrified
and oppressed by men.
It will be wonderful to now be terrified
and oppressed by one of our own.
Doctor Sandra Sujana,
the author of the book,
"Amivi Gama: A Woman to Fear"
says Gama's success
is a sign of the
country's progress.
Twenty, or even
ten years ago,
nobody could have even considered
a woman would behead her
political rivals in
the town square.
It's a truly great day
for women.
Dr. Sujana says that in addition
to a ruthless pursuit for
ultimate power, Gama
has a feminine side,
even while leading a campaign
of terror through the countryside
rooting out intellectuals,
and killing religious leaders,
Gama made time to be
a mother to her children.
It's this down to earth relate-ability
that has made her an icon
to many East Timor women.
She didn't just order her militia
to destroy our crops,
she got right in there
with a torch.
She looked good doing it.
Many expect that,
as a woman,
Gama will bring a more
level headed and sensitive approach
to the massive slaughtering.
Even members of the
older generation,
like former cabinet member
Uriko Alkitiri,
have learned to look past
Gama's gender,
and respect her as
a political force.
Some people have doubts,
but now they're all dead.
When she plunged a knife
into my crying son's throat,
as I lay helplessly by,
I realized that she could do anything.
She's a real dynamo.
The size of Gama's army is
all we need as proof
to know it's a woman's world
now in East Timor.
We congratulate you
President Gama.
From Delhi, I'm Mark Ward,
for the Onion News Network.
Thank you, Mark.
That's one feisty lady.
When we come back,
Gatorade scientists
have discovered
four new kinds of thirst.
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