"Women in Film and TV" Awards (SHOOTING)
Script/Idea: Dan Mirk
7-19 (CLK)
INT. TODAY NOW SET - MAIN AREA
The camera swoops in on our hosts, FEMALE HOST and MALE HOST.
MALE HOST
Welcome back to Today Now. If
you're just joining us, FEMALE HOST
has been yawning all morning.
FEMALE HOST
That's not fair, I have a very good
reason. I took the red eye back
from LA last night.
MALE HOST
Well, why don't you tell everyone
why you were in LA?
FEMALE HOST
I was at the fifth annual Strong
Women in Television awards, the
only awards show dedicated to
celebrating positive portrayals of
women on screen. And I've got an
Onion News Network exclusive report
on it.
FOOTAGE: A typical Hollywood awards show. Female TV stars
smile and wave.
[Prod. Note: This can either be the inside of an awards show
or footage from the red carpet.]
MALE HOST
Our very own FEMALE HOST was
something of a V.I.P. last night.
FEMALE HOST
Yes, I was honored to present the
award for "Best Roundhouse Kick in
a Mini Skirt or Short Shorts,"
which was won by Evangeline Lilly
of "Lost"!
They both clap.
MALE HOST
Congratulations, Evangeline.
FEMALE HOST
She deserves it! Look at this clip
of the scene that won her the
award.
FOOTAGE: A clip from "Lost" plays.
PRODUCTION NOTE: See what footage we can find before we
shoot.
MALE HOST
Wow. That was some kick.
FEMALE HOST
Yeah, she is incredible on 'Lost.'
There are entire scenes on that
show where she barely draws
attention to the fact she's an
incredibly attractive woman.
MALE HOST
I understand she sometimes wears
makeup in order to make her
character appear less attractive.
FEMALE HOST
So brave.
FOOTAGE: Evangeline on the red carpet.
[Prod. Note: A photo would work for these if no footage is
available.]
MALE HOST
She looks great.
Footage: Mariska Hargitay on the red carpet or in a seat at
an awards show.
MALE HOST
Sure does. Now here's Mariska
Hargitay, of course.
FEMALE HOST
She's the leading woman on Law &
Order: SVU, a show that proves
female characters can be both sexy
and tough.
MALE HOST
Not to mention smart enough to sort
through all the minute details of
those [thrilling] sex crimes.
FEMALE HOST
You said it. Well, Mariska walked
away with the award for "Best
physical intimidation of a man who
would obviously crush her in real
life."
FOOTAGE: In an onscreen box, we see Mariskta Hargitay
subduing a man on Law & Order: SVU.
MALE HOST
She really shows that just because
a woman is beautiful, she doesn't
have to be weak on television.
FEMALE HOST
Yes, Mariska is one of the true
pioneers in television. Her
character on that show excels in
the most demanding division in the
NYPD, yet she rarely cries when the
stress gets to be too much. I even
got a chance to tell her how much I
admire her one-on-one backstage.
MALE HOST
Wow. So was meeting Mariska
Hargitay the highlight of your
night?
FEMALE HOST
Well, it's hard to say. I got to
spend the evening with so many
strong, beautiful women. I sat
next to Jennifer Love Hewitt and we
just chatted about how great it is
that these days a women character
can be sexy AND strong, or sexy AND
smart, or sexy AND professional.
STOCK FOOTAGE: Jennifer Love Hewitt on a red carpet.
MALE HOST
Did Love walk away with any awards?
FEMALE HOST
She was nominated in the category
of "Being Philosophical While
Wearing a Revealing Nightgown" for
her role on "Ghost Whisperer."
MALE HOST
Now I've never seen "Ghost
Whisperer."
FEMALE HOST
Well, you're a man, silly. But
trust me and the other women, it
was a great show. Ghost Whisperer
co-star Aisha Tyler took home the
award for "Best Extraordinarily
Intuitive Black Female Character.
STOCK FOOTAGE OR PHOTO: Aisha Tyler in "Ghost Whisperer."
MALE HOST
(commenting on clip) That black
girl knows something you don't!
MALE HOST
Do you think someday you'll get to
go to the Strong Women In TV awards
as a nominee?
FEMALE HOST
Well, I might have to learn how to
hold a gun or stand the sight of
fake blood first. But ultimately
that's up to the men who vote on
those things.
(laugh)
Are you listening out there,
nominating committee?
MALE HOST
Well, I know everyone here at the
Onion News Network will be rooting
for you. All right. We're about
out of time. But let's tell
everyone who won the big lifetime
achievement award for sassiness.
FEMALE HOST (V.O.)
That went to... Lauren Graham of
the Gilmore Girls!!! I love that
award.
It shows a woman can spout one
liners as well as a man, even while
being secretly in love with him.
INT. TODAY NOW SET
MALE HOST
Sounds like you had a great night.
FEMALE HOST
It was a great night for women and
the men who write for them. And it
really convinced me that women can
do anything men can do on TV.
MALE HOST
They absolutely can. We've got to
take a quick break, but don't go
anywhere, because up next, we'll be
sitting down with a man who
invented a new refrigerator that
talks. It's a story you'll only
find on the Onion News Network.
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