via @TheOnion - Ex-Pedophile Shares Tips On How To Make Your Kids Less Attractive
Every parent's worse
nightmare is of course
their child falls victim to
a sexual predator.
But it's hard to know how
to keep their kids safe.
Yeah it is but today we're gonna
get some insider tips
from a child safety expert and ex-pedophile,
Terry Parker, welcome to the show.
Hi Jim, Tracy, thanks for having me.
- Hi Terry.
Thank you for being here.
- Now Terry actually kidnapped
and sexually molested children
for over 2
And he was eventually convicted of 13
counts of sexual assault against minors.
Yes well that's all behind me now,
I don't do that sort of thing anymore.
Now Terry you say first off that
a lot of the conventional wisdom
we all know about how to protect
our children from predators
is actually wrong. - Yes, for instance
a lot of people tell their kids
don't talk to strangers. - Uh-huh.
- I tell my kids that all the time.
Right when a pedophile is looking
for a little boy or girl to take,
he's not interested in having
a conversation with him.
He simply wants their small
body pressed against his.
So he's gonna abduct them
whether they talk to them or not.
Yeah. You don't have to
lure them into a car,
you simply take the child
where you want them,
their bodies are so light. -
But you do recommend the parents
try to make their children less
attractive to pedophiles, right?
Right. Clothing is a huge factor.
If you put a girl in a sundress
and French braids in front
of the average pedophile,
he's gonna get an erection
that will rip his bike shorts.
Well that's good to know. -
Yes it is, so what should parents do?
Dress them in dirty clothing,
mess up their hair,
still this'll only deter about 9
percent of all pedophiles,
you know personally, I prefer a kid
that looks a little rough and tumble.
Before we go I have to discuss the
situtation that no one wants to face.
Your child is abducted, there's no
randsom note, so you know the motive
isn't money, it's sex, and how can a
parent hope to get their child back?
First of all, he or she won't be a child
anymore. - No?
Any childhood innocence will have been
stripped away the moment the
pedophile's sweaty arm, goes
down your kid's pants. - Uh-huh.
Your child's best bet is to grab a sharp
object to stab at the man with.
Oh really. - Like a pencil, which is
actually how I got this. - Ooo.
I bet you didn't get
very far with that kid.
Not that one, no.
- Well thank you Terry,
so much for being with us this
morning and opening our eyes
to the situation and if we can just protect
one child out there from people like you,
we will have done our job.
- Glad to help.
Thanks Terry. Ok, coming up next, out
of the frying pan and into the dryer,
a new way to make perogies.
- Yum, yum.
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