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At the AV Club: Best Music Of The '00s

The sports world is breathing a sigh of relief tonight following the collapse of the Staple Center, which brought a merciful early end to a potentially tragic Clippers game. Investigators are still sifting through the rubble but early reports indicate that everyone in attendance was saved from watching a full 48 minutes of excruciating Clippers basketball, thanks to the metal and concrete roof that crushed them to death. For more on this miraculous story we go to OSN reporter, Kirsten Alvarez, who's live on the scene. Kirsten, we understand the Clippers were trailing the Phoenix Suns by 3 the stadium collapsed. Yes, Corey, it was only the third quarter and it was a gruesome scene. The Clippers were giving up easy baskets; missing wide open layups. Spectators were crying, moaning, begging for help. At one point Baron Davis was double teamed, but still managed to brick a three as the shot clock went off. - Oh, my god. Then he sulked instead of getting back on defense. A nightmare. Now, investigators have credited the collapse to a low bearing girder in the ceiling. Yes, that girder is the true hero tonight. If it hadn't buckled those people would be driving home right now wondering how Mike Dunleavy could give significant minutes to a stiff like Ricky Davis. Thank god they all died. Now, did any Clippers players make it out alive? - No. - Good. According to eyewitnesses not one Clipper was capable enough to find the emergency exits. - Thank god. I just want to be clear, all the Clippers are dead. That is a relief. We are now joined by Abby Konsela, whose husband, Jay, was in the arena. - Hello. Abby, what was the first thing that went through your mind when you found out your husband was in the arena when it collapsed. I just thought please let it have killed Chris Kaman. He is just so awful. Then I felt relieved. Your husband suffered through so much at the hands of the Clippers. - Yes. We understand Jay was a fan since 1984. Yes, I just kept hoping that there'd be some kind of fire that the Clippers team playing would crash, or my husband would drown so he would never have to watch them be humiliated by the Lakers again. I know that Jay's in a better place now; a place with no Clippers. Abby, it is a true miracle. Congratulations. - You can rest well tonight. - Thank you. Now, Kirsten, I understand Blake Griffin did not die in the collapse. Yeah, that's right, Corey. He hanged himself in the Clipper's locker room before the game. Just one of many miracles tonight. Thank you Kirsten. Coming up, Eli Manning tears his ACL playing with his Skip-It. Still to come: Larry Hughes suspended for flagrantly impeding Dwayne Wade's path to the basket.