FCC OFFICIAL OBSESSED WITH ALYSON HANNIGAN (SHOOTING)
Script: Sam West. Idea: Kevin Pedersen
7/25/2007 (CLK)
WRITING NOTES: Needs more escalation. Maybe could get more
physical? Also the host tone is waaaaaay too neutral for a
morning show post -- we should push them towards an anti
humor take where she is just commenting inanely on the topic.
INT. TODAY NOW SET
FEMALE HOST and MALE HOST in chairs.
FEMALE HOST
Welcome back, it's "Today Now." In
the past six months, the FCC has
handed out over 2 million dollars
in fines to television networks for
obscenity violations.
GRAPHICS WASH: FCC regulations manuals, headlines showing
fines that have been doled out, et cetera.
MALE HOST
But many networks are complaining
that there are no clear cut
guidelines for what is and is not
obscene. Joining us from the Onion
News Network studios in DC to help
clear this up is FCC spokesman
Samuel Leslie.
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. (GREENSCREEN)
SAMUEL LESLIE pops up in another box. Leslie is in his 40's,
thin, slightly nerdy looking, but not pathetic.
FEMALE HOST
Mr. Leslie, thank you for joining
us. Let's get down to it: How do
you at the FCC go about deciding
what can go on TV and what can't?
LESLIE
When it comes to determining
obscenity, the key word is context.
There is no reason to fear a fine
as long as your content has
artistic or factual merit. Such
merit can be found in programming
ranging from NBC's Nightly News to
CBS's sitcom "How I Met Your
Mother" starring Alyson Hannigan.
MALE HOST
What would be an example of
something with artistic merit?
LESLIE
Well, for example, If Alyson
Hannigan were to take her top off
during an artistic sequence of an
upcoming episode of "How I Met Your
Mother," that would not in and of
itself fall under the definition of
obscenity.
MALE HOST
How is that any different from
Janet Jackson's infamous "wardrobe
malfunction" from a few years ago?
LESLIE
What Ms. Jackson did was a tacky,
lewd publicity stunt. Whereas I'm
sure any person could see the
inherent artistic value in Alyson
Hannigan slowly pealing away layer
after layer of clothing until her
milky white bosom is in full view,
obscured only by a few wisps of her
auburn hair.
FEMALE HOST
That would be acceptable?
LESLIE
It would be beautiful.
MALE HOST
I understand you brought some clips
to illustrate.
FOOTAGE: In a box at the bottom of the screen we see a scene
from "How I Met Your Mother."
PROD. NOTE: We should just 'borrow' this footage, no need to
try to get it.
LESLIE
Yes. In this scene, Alyson
Hannigan's character Lily is trying
to convince her boyfriend they
should do more grownup stuff. Now,
if she were to tear her shirt off
to show him how serious she is,
that would not trigger a fine since
it would be in context and
consistent with her character. Or
Alyson could come into the room
with her shirt already off.
MALE HOST
What if Marshall would remove his
clothing?
LESLIE
No, that would be in poor taste and
could result in a fine of up to 500
million dollars.
FEMALE HOST
Can you give us some other examples
of acceptable nudity?
LESLIE
Maybe Alyson is laying on a chaise
lounge, stretched out fanning
herself. Whatever the writers
believe would be more organic to
the story. Maybe she pulls herself
out of a pool to reveal that she's
not wearing a suit. Maybe she--
FEMALE HOST
Can you give us some examples of
acceptable nudity, perhaps on other
shows?
LESLIE
Absolutely. Let's say the producers
of the tragically cancelled CW show
Veronica Mars wanted to do a nude
scene with their character Trina
Echolls, played by Alyson Hannigan.
Or if a network were to devise a
television series based on the 1999
classic movie American Pie.
FEMALE HOST
Let's shift gears. How does the FCC
monitor so many channels?
MALE HOST
(friendly, joking)
Yeah. Is there a group of people
whose job is to sit around all day
watching TV?
LESLIE
It's a group effort. Everyone at
the FCC does their part to monitor
the broadcasts. I personally watch
approximately 100 hours of
television per week, mostly
episodes of Buffy the Vampire
Slayer.
FEMALE HOST
But that show was cancelled years
ago.
LESLIE
True, but the FCC is about to enact
a new regulation that will return
Buffy to the air. The CW faces
losing its broadcast license if it
doesn't comply.
FEMALE HOST
What is the purpose of this new
rule?
LESLIE
The initiative is aimed at
increasing the aesthetic merit of
television. Producers of the show
will be required to reveal as much
of the firey-haired alabaster
skinned Alyson Hannigan as is
necessary to achieve this goal.
MALE HOST
Well, we'll be looking for that in
the news. Thanks for being with us
today, Leslie.
LESLIE
My pleasure.
FEMALE HOST
Coming up next on Today Now, How To
Give Your Man A Prostate Exam
Without His Even Knowing.
END.
Playlists
Label
