The first ever prescription depressant
hit the shelves today.
Approved by the F.D.A. last month,
Despondex is intended
as a treatment for the
approximately 2
who are insufferably cheery.
Tests prove the drug is affective
at reducing a range of symptoms,
from squealing loudly
when a friend calls,
to use of the phrase
"cool beans",
and excessive hugging.
Dr. Alman Wei calls the drug
a huge step forward
in the battle against
exuberance.
If you're in a good mood
every so often,
well, that's fine.
That's normal.
This is for those that have a
persistent positive outlook on life.
Eva Hendry of New Haven Connecticut
began participating
in a clinical trial of Despondex
6 weeks ago.
I was always telling people how
cute their outfits were,
and bringing them
little gifts.
I'd beam at anyone who made
eye contact with me.
I didn't realize life didn't have
to be like that.
Eva said she never knew
how her annoyingly chipper attitude
was affecting those
around her.
Over and over again I'd ask Jeff
to ride his bike down
to the Botanical Garden
with me.
No matter how many times,
he said no.
And she was always smiling,
but I didn't know what to do to help her.
I used to think, why am I
the only one
trying to set up single friends
with each other.
And now I realize that I was sick.
I needed treatment.
Eva says the drug may have saved
their marriage.
Now Jeff and I can just waste a night
sitting on the couch,
watching a TV show
neither of us enjoy,
like a regular couple.
Not everyone is convinced
that Despondex
is the cure all for
perkiness, however.
In this week's Time Magazine,
Michael Pelosic of UCLA argues
that many patients get similar results
from natural remedies,
something as simple as a diet
of corn syrup and white bread,
and a total lack of exercise.
But Dr. Wei disagrees.
We have to erase the stigma
attached with
getting chirpy people help,
real medical help.
I mean, do you know what it's like
to be around these people?
It's pretty f#*king annoying.
Doctors estimate the new drug could
reduce the number
of costumed or themed parties
in the U.S. by up to 4
STILL AHEAD THIS HOUR
Obama announces plan to weatherize
nation's borders
to cut energy costs
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