via @TheOnion - Genetic Scientists Develop Sheep With Brain Of A Goat
SCIENTISTS BREED SHEEP WITH MIND OF GOAT
Idea/Script: E. Sam West
This Draft: 5-2 (clk)
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
TEXT: Science Today
ANCHOR
A big scientific breakthrough at
the Colorado's Outlook Institute
this week. For the first time ever,
a sheep has been genetically
engineered with the brain of a
goat.
STOCK FOOTAGE: A sheep standing in a pasture. A sheep
chewing.
LOWER THIRD: Scientific Breakthrough / Sheep Has Goat's Brain
/ Scientist Named Sheep Janus
INT. ONION NEWS STUDIO
ANCHOR
Joining us now to talk about the
incredible breakthrough is the
experiment's director, Dr. Doug
Erskin.
SPLIT-SCREEN with DR. ERSKIN, a middle aged man in lab coat.
CHYRON: Dr. Doug Erskin, Director of Sheep-Goat Brain
Transfer Project, Outlook Institute for Genetic Research
ANCHOR (CONT'D)
Dr. Erskin, this is quite an
accomplishment for you and your
team.
ERSKIN
Thank you. We're very excited.
ANCHOR
You've been working on this project
for over three years, is that
right?
ERSKIN
Yes, but we've achieved an
incredible feat: We now have a
sheep that has the habits,
preferences, and the mannerisms of
a completely different animal. A
goat.
ANCHOR
We have some footage here of the
animal...
STOCK: Footage of a sheep doing normal sheep things. Unless
specifically noted, it can be anything.
TEXT in box: Courtesy Outlook Institute
STOCK: A sheep looking around.
ERSKIN
Yes. You see the way she looked at
that fence post? That's exactly how
a goat would have looked at that
post.
ANCHOR
Interesting. So having a goat's
brain has really had an impact on
her behavior?
STOCK: A sheep chewing.
ERSKIN
Absolutely. Now look at the way she
selects that [grass]. Now look at
that chewing.
STOCK: They rewind and play the footage again.
ERSKIN (CONT'D)
That is very un-sheep-like chewing.
ANCHOR
Is that how a goat would chew?
ERSKIN
Yes. Exactly.
ANCHOR
Wow. Tell us, what was the journey
like, getting you and your team to
this point?
ANCHOR (CONT'D)
When we started, we were trying to
solve Alzheimer's. I'm not sure if
this will further that goal, but
now we have a sheep with the mind
of a goat.
STOCK: A sleeping lamb.
ANCHOR (CONT'D)
When did you know you had been
successful with the animal?
ERSKIN
Almost immediately. This is a tape
of her when she was just a few
weeks old, and see, she's already
displaying the sleeping habits of a
goat.
They watch.
ERSKIN (CONT'D)
Never in my 10 years of animal
research have I seen anything like
that. From a goat, yes, but a
sheep... never. It was at that
moment, I thought, "Yes. We have
finally done it."
STOCK FOOTAGE: A sheep.
ANCHOR
Now what exactly is your goat-sheep
doing here?
ERSKIN
Ha ha. No, that's not the sheep
with the mind of a goat. That's a
regular sheep. Here. This is the
one.
STOCK FOOTAGE: Another sheep enters the frame.
STOCK FOOTAGE: A few sheep. One sheep walks away from another
sheep.
ANCHOR
Let me ask you this: what are the
ethics of this breakthrough?
ERSKIN
Cutting edge science will always
have its detractors who say that we
have no right to play god. But the
frontiers of genetic science can
have a positive side too. It's very
possible that our research could
one day help a sheep. Or a goat.
ANCHOR
So what does the future hold for
you, Dr. Erskin?
ERSKIN
You never know where the science
will take you. We began this
journey in a very, very different
place than where we ended up.
ANCHOR
Where did you begin?
ERSKIN
We were attempting to breed a
squirrel with the mind of a
chipmunk. And from there we said,
'we can't stop here."
ANCHOR
Well, thank goodness you didn't.
And thank you for joining us, Dr.
Erskin. Next up...
Playlists
Label
