Concerned about your privacy
while using Google?
The internet giant says it understands.
Google is now offering users
a chance to opt out,
and live in privacy
in a remote mountain village.
Tech Trends reporter Jeff Tate has more.
Thanks Theresa.
They call it the 'Opt Out Village'.
And it's just what you would expect
from Google.
If you want to keep your information private,
all you have to do
is move to our 22-acre Opt-Out village
and not speak to anyone
from the outside world.
It's very simple.
Just go to the Google front page,
click the Opt-Out button.
And in minutes, a van will come to your house
and pick you up.
That same day a team
of Google privacy experts
eliminates your home address,
guaranteeing it will no longer appear
on Google local pages.
And, after just 2 days in the back of a van,
you're there.
In the village, we can guarantee
that there is no chance
of Google reading your emails because
there are no computers.
And, because they are also
monitored and tracked by Google,
there are no banks, or hospitals.
Residents will be expected to know
how to grow food
suture wounds, and bury corpses by hand,
if they plan to opt out.
And Google has gone the extra mile
to ensure that users who choose to opt out
are given complete privacy
in their new home.
A 3
physical data security wall
keeps all former Google users
from leaving the village
until they decide they want to start
using Google again.
The Opt-Out village can't even be seen
by Google satellites,
because the entire town is enclosed
with a large metal box with no openings.
Google says those wishing to opt back in
to using Google
after their time in the village,
will be allowed to do so
if they agree to be branded
with a whimsical 'G' on their foreheads
to label them doubters.
If you don't want to give us complete access
to your most private
thoughts and feelings,
that's fine.
Ah, you can just toy on the hinterlands,
and die young.
And Carter says the Opt-Out village is
already getting rave reviews.
One of the first village residents
sent this letter
praising the total privacy inside
the village, saying
"all alone, no light, hard to breathe".
Now that's one man
whose data is secure.
For the Onion News Network,
I'm Jeff Tate.
Thanks Jeff.
If you have any questions about
the Opt-Out village,
type them in an email to a friend
and Google will get back to you
within 24 hours.
And in just a minute,
is your child missing out
on teen-sex parties?
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