via @TheOnion - Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face
Video Game Fans are lining up today
to be the first to purchase
'Close Range'
The hotly anticipated video game,
in which players repeatedly shoot people
point blank in the face.
Onion News Network Tech Trends Reporter,
Jeff Tate, has more.
Thanks Bobby.
Close Range is already being hailed
by critics as,
'the most important game of the year'
The first person shooter creates an
immersive, richly detailed world
where players shoot people in the face
with guns.
Reviewers say it brings a
new level of depth to gaming.
Just like great Literature or Film
transports you to different worlds,
'Close Range' transports you to a world
where you fire bullets
into an endless stream of faces.
Fans say it's the game's
well developed Characters and Storyline
that make 'Close Range' so compelling.
You just feel like
you're inside this complex character,
who's thrust into a world where he has to
blow people's heads off.
The plot follows A.J.,
a man with a mysterious past,
who must explode
hundreds of thousands of human faces,
on a quest to save his
kidnapped brother.
Who are you?
- Someone who can help.
I know where your brother is.
- Tell me.
Look out!
But Close Range's single player story
is just the beginning.
It's outstanding multi player mode
offers unparalleled interactivity,
by allowing players to blast
each other's faces off.
It's completely open ended.
You can shoot someone in the ear,
but you can also shoot them
in the eye.
With hundreds of hidden extras,
like side missions,
where players can take a break
from shooting people in the face,
to shoot animals in the face,
'Close Range' will keep players
hooked for weeks.
And with the sequel,
'Close Range 2: Chainsaw Dawn'
continuing the epic story next fall,
'Close Range' fans have even more
to look forward to.
For the Onion News Network,
I'm Jeff Tate.
Thanks Jeff.
When we come back:
a new cure for crying children.
Smothering.
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